The Life and Times of the Unwilling Somaiyaite

Aarushi Rant.

2011-04-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

I don't usually post about cases like these.

Hell, I don't usually post at all.

But I ended up ranting about the Aarushi Case on Facebook Chat a while back.

the Transcript goes a little like this.

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Dylan:Was it you, who posted a link on FB

about Arushi Talwar case

Me:yeah\

I got that from Mystiques blog though

Dylan:is there any way you can get it agaian?

Me:yeah one sec

http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/nation/worse-than-a-daughter-s-death

Me:whats the occasion? fancy a re-read?

Dylan:Just wanted to link it to Samadrita.

Me:

Ah. She hasn't read it?

Dylan:maybe she has read it

I dunno.. but she says she thinks that the parents killed her

Me:oh shiiii-

But who can really tell, man?

I mean, the article was compelling and all

Dylan:Yeah I guess

Me:but what kinda ninja would get into a house, kill two people, get out, and not even steal anything AND not wake anyone.

Dylan:http://twitter.com/#!/AuraofDreams/status/61027885619744768

Me:This looks like a job for detective school Q

Dylan:yeah its all very strange

Dylan:sad

Me:Sad?

whats sad is that a shitload more people die everyday in various places in our Country

it never gets reported, and the police pin the blame on someone convenient and call it a day

the only reason this one got attention is cause the victim was well to do

Dylan:...and with the murder pinned on the dad the media could sensationalise it

Me:also, Aarushi was a 'Gen Y' person or whatever.

so she was more relatable

'Today her. Tomorrow it could be you'

thats what the media was trying to say

Nobody mentioned the servant

who was also killed

Dylan:oh yeah

Collateral damage

Me:cause he's poor. Who gives a fuck about poor people if they aren't starving in africa, ay?

those kind of people aren't relatable to the average TV news viewer

give more coverage to the rich kid, pull out her facebook pictures, check her 'morality' and shit

Middle class people gonna lap that up

Me:...

wow

Dylan:and they did

Me:I'm ranting aren't I

Half a mind to copy paste this and put it up on my blog

would you mind if I did?

Dylan:Not at all

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I just got down to watching 'Natural Born Killers' recently. Maybe thats why this topic stuck in my mind when it was brought up.

The movie, for those of you who haven't seen it, is basically about how society perceives violence vs. how murderers perceive violence. It's filled with caricatures of media people and thinly veiled parodies of 'America's Most Wanted'.

Lemme break it down to explain what the problem is:

The media loves violence. I doesn't mean to encourage it, or foster it, No sir, don't get the wrong idea.

But violence is powerful stuff for a media person, and thats because the general public gravitates to it like flies on meat.

Why?

Maybe it's ingrained somewhere in our collective psyche. Maybe we're all creatures of violence and thats why we're so fascinated by it. It taps into some primal part of our psyche and just can't look away.

I don't mean in television or the movies or whatever. Few months ago I saw a drunk man on a railway station get clipped on the shoulder by a train when he stumbled too close to the edge of the platform. Poor guy was bleeding out right there on the platform, and people walking by at the peak of Rush hour stopped in their tracks.
Seconds ago, they had things to do and places to be, but then they all took time out to watch the man bleed.
And don't tell me it's because they were going to help. Most people were content to make comments in the crowd, about how drunk people were the worst, he deserved it, yada yada.

Simply put, it brought out a sort of morbid curiosity in people.

Maybe its evolutionary. If we see what happens to our fellow man, we may be better prepared for if it happens to us.

Whatever the reason, it works.

It stays in your mind, and thats exactly what the media wants. In a nutshell, they want your attention, and they get it by getting you nice and afraid.

Thats basically what was done with the Aarushi case. Victim was a bubbly, sweet, mall-going, facebook using, 'Gen Y' teenager. The kind of person we all might know. Someone we could relate to

They never used the exact words, but they presented all the facts with the implied underlying meaning that said 'If it can happen to her, it could happen to you'.

At that point you might step in and say that te media can do as they want, it's up to the people to make their own decisions.

The problem is, all the media attention put greater pressure on the investigators. For all we know they may have manipulated evidence just to get the case closed as soon as they could. Or they may have done their job well, we don't know. Fact remains though, the minute they declared that the victim's Dad was the prime suspect, it was almost as if every news network in India had a simultaneous orgasm.

The case turned from murder to family drama. They called it the breakdown of the Indian Family. Irrespective of the fact that over 40% of murders occur between victims and offenders who are relatives. No, hell with that, THIS case is where Indian Family values have been killed, never to be seen again.

Then they started questioning the victims 'character' which just fucked my mind completely. Who gives a shit about that? Would you abandon the investigation if it turned out that the victim had 'loose morals' (whatever the fuck that means)? Are you saying that promiscuous people deserve to die?

And there, the media could finally link things to the other big daddy eyeball magnet of the masses. Sex. The 3 things that always interest the middle class. Scandalous Scams, Sensational Violence, and Salacious tales of Sexual escapades. If they managed to link, lets say, a land scam to this, I'm sure a lot of journalists would have been able to make enough to retire right then and there.

No respect for the dead. No peace for the living. Her parents must've gone through hell by that point. And thats why I'm ranting.

Come on,man. Have some respect. Honor that girls memory and don't be dwelling on those aspects of her life that got nothing to do with anything.

After all, she's someone we can relate to, right? A mall-going, facebook using, 'Gen Y' teenager

Realism in Romance

2011-04-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of the romance genre. A chance sms from a friend fuelled my thought processes on this topic today, as to WHY I don't like it. WHAT exactly was wrong with it, and how would I correct it, If I really had to.

This started off as a random string of thoughts but wound up becoming a short story. Initially it was just a boredom thing, but as it grew in length, It became more like a challenge to myself. To prove to myself that I could still swing a mean pen.

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Too often I hear of crappy love stories-ridiculous, over the top tales filled to the gills with every cliché imaginable. It’s very nearly unbearable to a reader like Yours Truly, and what really annoys me is that I know it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be that hard to write romance with realism in it. All you do is actively ignore the standard tropes of the genre, and you should be good to go.

Unfortunately, I haven’t come across something like this as yet. Which is why, I’ve decided to type out the gritty, hard hitting record of the personal life of one Sunny

Keep in mind, Dear Reader, that when I mean realistic, I don’t mean shaky cameras and grayscale color schemes. Things may not go the way you’d like them, especially if you’re a fan of the usual fluff. This is chiefly because we’re dealing with realistic relationships here, and realistically, sometimes people do strange things because, well, that’s just how they are.

Our journey begins with Sunny Spoonwaala, at the sprightly age of 22. Vijay represents

that vast stratum of society who one usually wouldn’t notice. Ever.

So plain in terms of looks that it wasn’t even funny, he looked like basically 70% of society. Average height, weight, intellect, physique. He was Mr. Average. The Mayor of Plaintown. The King of Normal-ia.

Downright boring, he was.

And so, Dear Reader, what we have here is a stock character you may no doubt recognize from works such as ‘The Purple Headed Soldier’ or ‘Scarlet Wayfarer’ or whatever the hell they’re naming women’s porn nowadays. Those in the pulp novel industry call it the ‘Straight Man’ type character, and pair him off with a contrasting female character, usually ‘The Psycho’ or ‘The Shrew’.

But it’s not quite cliché yet. It’s justified, in this case, by the fact that it’s realistic to be normal.

So Sunny, at his new workplace, meets an attractive young lady named Sharmili. She too, was a fresher, at looked pretty hot.

I’m not going to say she had eyes like pristine lagoons or hair like black velvet, cause she didn’t.

Hell, nobody does.

All I’m saying is that she was pretty hot, a 7 on 10 in my book.

Also, a word of caution, Dear Reader, if you’re starting to read too much into the character names. Maybe you’re starting to think that Sharmili is the shy type or that Sunny is a cheerful young lad who’ll win over the lady with his exuberant charm.

You Are? Are you challenged or something? Names don’t work that way, you dumb fuck. If they did, I’d change my last name to WIN and name my three kids ‘Somuch’, ‘Madeof’, and ‘Epic’. This isn’t James Bond, where a guy with a name like Oregano Angercock is a Mexican bull wrestler, or chicks have names like ‘Miwana Bangbang’.

It’s just a name.

So anyway, Sunny ~~falls in~~ ~~love~~ ~~at first sight~~ ( If you expected this then you obviously can’t take a hint)

Gets to know Sharmili over the course of a few months and strikes up a friendship. This was easy since he wasn’t at Marylin Manson levels of creepiness, and also because they had been assigned to the same project (Their first project teams were based on alphabetical order of last names. Sharmili’s last name was Sparda. Still realistic!)

Eventually, Sunny gets a serious case of boneritis, understandably, because, you know, 7 on 10…

Gentleman that he is, he decides to win over the lady’s heart with all the charm he can muster.Which, as he eventually realizes, is not much.

So he takes up a different approach, shock and awe.

For weeks he spent his time talking to Sharmili, trying to figure out her interests and tastes. He was pleasantly surprised to find that they both shared the same taste in Music, Movies and pencils (They were both into 2B’s).

As time went on, and he got to know her better, Sunny realized that he was developing real feelings for this woman, distinct and separate from the ‘Dayyyuum look at that ass’ category of feelings. It was at this point that his story went from a quest for booty to a labor of love.

Now, if I was writing a novel to be published by Rupa or somebody, I would have a 62 page filler arc right about now involving a convoluted series of misunderstandings or a long drawn out faux philosophy lesson. Fuck that. I’m going to do what I do with those books and just skip to the end.

His final expression to her, after months of preparation, simply defies description. I would probably include the lines of the ballad he had composed for her, or describe his glorious speech where he confessed his undying love, but I totally wouldn’t do justice to it. Suffice to say, it was pretty heavy. Their co-workers had tears in their eyes, going so far as to say that here was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen one creature do for another.

Sunny was then rejected, because Sharmili said she wanted to focus on her job. In reality she just wasn’t into him. Even though he loved her around 10 tons, she wasn’t interested because, well, that’s just how it was. No reason.

Sunny was kinda totally devastated with this shit. But he still held on to hope.

He thought to himself ‘I won’t give up, one day I’ll make her understand how much she means to me’.

Buuut, that never happened. He basically stalked her for a week and then got tired of the whole thing. He got married a few years later to some Wheatish Complexion B.Ed First Class girl his parents picked out for him, and forgot all about Sharmili. Even though he had been ready to give his left ball to be with her a couple of years back, because, well, that’s just how it was. No Reason.

As for Sharmili, she met someone herself a few months after the big rejection. An old classmate named Anirudh.

Now, surely you’re thinking, if she picked him, he must probably be 10 times the man that Sunny was. Smarter, probably? Or more Sensitive? Or more Rugged? All of the above?

Nope.

He basically had a nice car and a shitload of money. Also a nice house. And a nice car.

Did I mention the car?

‘Surely’, I hear you say, Dear Reader, ’The man must be a total douchebag. No doubt she’ll dump him once she realizes that’.

Buut no. Anirudh surprisingly wasn’t that bad a dude. Just because he used his immense wealth to get with the ladies didn’t make him a douchebag.

They finally settled down together and lived happily ever after.

Until they died.

And so ends the story, with Sharmili dying at 39 from a heart attack. I guess a rich lifestyle isn’t what it’s cut out to be, what with the increase risk of heart disease. But I kept all of this in, all for the realism. Life can be like this sometimes, because, well, that’s just how it is. No Reason.*

*Wait a minute. There is a reason. It’s high cholesterol. Ignore that last line.

4-panel Comix

2010-04-17T22:07:00.000-07:00

Just found this website- Comixed.com, that allows users to create their own 4 panel comics.

For those of you who don't know what the 4-panel (yonkoma) format is, here's a bunch o' examples...

Epic Comeback...

2010-02-25T04:52:00.000-08:00

Kirk, a friend of mine, wears glasses.

Kirk, this aforementioned friend of mine, also plays football.

For fear of breaking his specs, he never does the above 2 activities at the same time.

Kirk, the friend of mine who I mentioned twice before, is also a very valuable player.

As a result, hecklers in the audience from the opposing team's side never miss a chance to try and pick on him.

I narrate on such incident.

Kirk (a friend of mine) walked on to the pitch for a Comps vs. EXTC inter-class football match, all limbering up, warming up, and basically getting ready to kick balls in goals and such-like.

A voice from the far end of the ground rang out, yelling

"Hey Kirk, you blind bastard, whaddya doin out there, huh? Can you even see without specs?Temme...How many fingers am I holding up?"

he then extended his hand like so-

Kirk's reply was swift, silent, concise, and effective.

A Tale of FAIL

2010-02-07T07:23:00.000-08:00

I posted this a few months back, so This doesn't count as a new post. But what the hell, it makes for a funny read.

*Note: No Twins were hurt during this anecdote. As Far As I Know, Anyway...*

Now I present to you a tale of FAIL.

Ace, Dragon and I go to the same math classes. They take place every Sunday morning at 7:30, Somewhat early, especially for a Sunday.

There's a pair of Twins who come to the class as well. Both girls, with strange fashion sense.
Why so strange you ask? Well, the prof has 3 split AC's in his classroom, and he keeps them all at 16 degrees C.

In other words, we're bloomin freezing.

Even if it's hot as hell outside I try to wear full sleeves when going for his class. Whereas the Twins wear sweaters and miniskirts.
Thats like a fireman wearing only fire resistant pants, and nothing else.
After which they shiver in class. Literally shiver. I'd laugh if it didn't look so sad.

But I digress, all I wanted to mention here, was there are Twins in my class.

So I'm sitting through the lecture, when I notice one of the twins sitting a few benches away, slump in her seat.
At that moment, I'm thinking 'Smart lady, sleeping in class, doing what all of us only think of doing'

A few seconds later, her sister calls out to the prof.
(lets call the fainted one Twin1 and the one awake, Twin2)

Twin2-Sir, she's fainted.
Sir- Who?
Twin2- *points helpfully*
Sir- Oh. Is she asleep?
Twin2- I don't think so, I think she's fainted.
Sir- *Totally disregarding what she just said* Someone, wake her up...

*another girl sitting nearby tries to shake her*
*No response whatsoever from Twin1*

At this point, everyone's attention is totally fixed on the unconscious Twin1.
and Dragon mutters to me, (quite loudly)- 'What an idiot. People who've fainted don't just get up like that.'

I shake my head in the affirmative and we all watch, somewhat concerned.

Sir- Try sprinkling some water on her, she might get up then.

Me-*thinking to myself* I'm not sure thats such a good idea. I think I've read about this before. The cold water might put her into Anyphylactic...

*Nearby girl sprinkles water*

...Shock?

Twin1-* Shoots awake for a few seconds and starts spasming a bit. Then goes back to a prone state*

The whole class is pretty shaken.

Random dude- Oh Fudge!
(except he didn't say 'Fudge')

Another Random Dude- Ben-Toad! What the hell just happened?
(except he didn't say 'toad')

Similar expressions of surprise resonated about the room.

And then the Prof gives the best line of all.

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Okay- Pause the story to answer a question-

Lets say you see a person fainted.
What do you do?

1)Apply wet towels to face and neck
2) Call for help
3)Offer their comatose ass a cup of tea

If you answered anything except 3), you're more medically competent than the Prof.

Because the next thing he said was-
-----------------------------------------

Prof- She wants some tea? Maybe then she'll wake up?

Twin2- *with a priceless 'WTF'* expression on her face.* Err. I don't think that'll work.

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. The ridiculousness of the situation was too much. Luckily, most of the other students in the class also picked the exact same moment to verbalize their thoughts of 'WTF-titude'

Prof- Okay, so as I was saying, the partial derivative of this is...

Yeah, thats right. He just decided to ignore her. The dude is in his late forties. Don't they say it's the current generation thats all apathetic?

Twin2-*few minutes later* can I call my mom?

PRof-*With an expression of great relief that he didn't have to think of something* Oh yes yes, Please do.

*Twin2 hurries out of the class*

Prof-*Turns around and continues teaching*

A few minutes later Twin2 comes back in and calls Sir as her mom wants to talk to him.
Sir leaves the class and we get a chance to talk.

'holy crap, dude, what a moron. You ever offer tea to an unconscious guy?'
'I swear. The guy just ignored her and kept teaching. Inconsiderate, man.'
etc.

The Prof came back in a few minutes and continued teaching.
(Twin1 is still fainted at her desk)

10 minutes later, the most terrifying thing of all.
The Prof had his back turned, and was teaching, when Twin1 regained consciousness, shot awake, and got up as if someone had poked her in the butt with a pin.

1 second shes horizontal, the next moment shes up and running out of the class.

As expected the class reacted with quite a bit of shock.

Random guy1- Oh Fish dude!
(except he didn't say 'Fish')

Another Random guy- Shunt, dude, what the fishing ship is going on? Mutter-Plucking glass-whole dude, I almost had a heart attack.
(except he didn't say 'shunt', 'fishing' or...oh you get the idea)

The Professor didn't notice.(I can't imagine HOW)

But when he turned around and saw the seat empty, he had this awesomely petrified expression on his face and asked 'What happened to her?'

One of the strangest little occurrences to happen in a long time.

Shyness- Subnormality

2010-01-31T03:49:00.001-08:00

From Subnormality- http://viruscomix.com/subnormality.html

I haven't posted anything of my own for a while now, and it's mostly because of a lack of time. It's also partially because I'm not sure I should put up short stories and stuff here, and take up my rant space...

Typical Old Style Bollywood Movie Script

2009-12-02T20:50:00.000-08:00

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Selecting A Layout

2009-11-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

I've been looking through Pyzam for some really good Black-and-White Blogger templates, when I stumbled across the perfect one...

http://www.pyzam.com/bloggertemplates/preview/rorschach-reality

That, to me, looks like perfection dipped in perfection, fried in the essence of perfection and served with a side order of Awesome.

Unfortunately, It didn't work.

Halfheartedly, I slapped on a new template, one with Blue buildings and such like, as a temporary experimental attempt to improve my blog.

It looks like this, as of my posting this.

http://www.pyzam.com/bloggertemplates/preview/this-beating-heart

Aaand the other nominees are-

http://www.pyzam.com/bloggertemplates/preview/black-and-white-new

http://www.pyzam.com/bloggertemplates/preview/inked

http://www.pyzam.com/bloggertemplates/preview/in-the-air

http://www.pyzam.com/bloggertemplates/preview/anybody

And I'm not sure which one to go with...

Scooters, Vacation, Fall

2009-11-04T06:23:00.000-08:00

Out of a strange coincidence, the stuff I'm about to blog about is also the stuff thats mentioned as the examples for post labels, at the bottom of every 'New Post' window.

Those of you who blog probably know what I'm talking about.

I'm going to go in Reverse order here, starting with-

Fall-

In Mumbai, the Fall season is just that bit of time between The Monsoons and Winter, lasting anywhere from a week to a month, depending on our irregular weather patterns.

This year though, it was gloomy as hell. Dark clouds all the time, but no rain. Cloudy skies, humid air, and October heat coming a month early.Fall was pretty FAIL.

Good thing it's over, and I'm now in the winter of Assignments and Exams. All the things that make it good have been thrown to hell this year, what with exams 4 days before Christmas and 2 days after New Years.

What the Fuck, Mumbai University?

Anyway, switch Tags to Vacations-

I headed down to Pune recently.

Hung out for the Diwali weekend at my cousins house, which I haven't been to in 4 years.

Where I learnt to ride a motorbike.

(Okay, I didn't know how to ride one until recently. If you have something negative to say about that, Bite Me)

Since I was learning, (and I didn't have my licence right then) I rode at night.

Oh crap it's fun.

Especially in Pune, where the roads are in awesome shape. Like they've been through a complete Overhaul recently.

(Speaking of overhaul, I changed my Blogger template to an xml theme. Do post suggestions concerning the same)

Oh , and I'm kind of on vacation now, too.

No wait, this doesn't count, it's PL*. It's like Holidaying in Prypiat.

(*PL, for those lucky enough to lead lives so happy and fulfilling that they never had to hear this term, means 'Preparatory Leave'. As in, Holidays right before an exam.)

Strangely though, I feel an almost pathological need to post on my blog during high stress times such as this...

...And moving on to- Scooters

I'm buying one.

Well, not ME, my parents are.

And It's not really FOR ME either, it's just for general use.

It's an Access 125

One of these-

Happy though I am, I'm not too excited.

After all, I can just use it from time to time.

Plus, In the immortal words of my friend Divesh, it's not exactly awe inspiring.

As he says-

'Just try riding up to a pretty girl from class who's waiting at the bus stop and say "Hey there, need a ride?"

If you're sitting on say...a Yamaha R15, chances are higher that she'll jump right on.

But if you're on an Activa or something, it's just going to look pathetic'

I'm not inclined to agree with him, but he does make an excellent point.

I SOOO Understand what he feels.

2009-09-29T05:04:00.000-07:00

Which kinda explains my strange behaviour in my last post.

Updates coming your way-A post about the Freshers Party is long overdue...

At a loss for words

2009-09-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

As I got out of the station this morning, I noticed a pretty girl standing at the exit. It's not that I usually spend my commute engrossed in intense girl-spotting or anything, It's just that she had a certain 'noticeability'. I can't explain it. It's just a gift some people have. They tend to command attention even if they're just standing there looking like they're waiting for someone...

Anyway, as I walked out to take a share auto, I was letting my mind wander, as it so rarely gets to nowadays. And I started to wonder-Will society ever reach the point wherein It's not strange or creepy to strike up a conversation with a stranger? I mean, all people are strangers before you meet them, right? And (at least for me) meeting new people is wrought with uncomfortable silences, errs, ums, ahs and other shaky first steps towards getting acquainted. Something that I can do without. Thus, something that has made me somewhat asocial, of late.

And while I waited, finding no one else going the same way as me, the previously mentioned pretty girl walked up. Well, not quite walked up, as she kept around 5 metres distance away, looking at me uncertainly, as if she was looking for the right thing to say.

I looked back, realising what she probably wanted to say, that she was going to the college as well, and was looking for someone to take the share auto with.

But I didn't say anything.

I was totally flustered. Some people have that effect on me.

She didn't say anything either. That and the fact that she was gesturing at me from like a good distance away seemed to suggest either that she was shy, or that I'm pretty scary looking.

Pesimist that I am, I have a bad feeling it's the latter.

But time was passing and we weren't getting any younger. She was shy/scared. I was at a loss for words. We both were late for class.

So I manage to extract the words 'Don Bosco?' from my temporarily malfunctioning larnyx, and with the wordless shake of her head, indicating the affirmative, we're in the auto and off.

It's a five minute journey from the station to college.

For some reason, sitting there in silence was extremely hard for me to do. But then, there really wasn't anything to say. I ran through the options in my head.

-I could talk about the weather-

Oh what a sad cliche.

-I could ask her if she's in B.E or H.M/which stream/which year, that kinda thing-

Gosh, what am I, a damn stalker?

I tried to imagine what my reaction would be to an annoying pissant I met on, say, a bus, who asked me pointless questions unprovoked. It wouldn't have been encouraging.

-I could just say something like 'Hi'-

And come across as some sort of slow-minded moron. We've been in the same auto for like 2 minutes already, and NOW you say 'hi'.

Aw dammit, my brain tells me. Why should this be so hard?It's just conversation. it's just being polite. There's no trace of an ulterior motive here. Just meeting new people in college, thats all.

But it was.

Can't even blame it on the hormones. She wasn't that hot or anything.

And I realized that even if society was open to random conversations between total strangers, I'd never be able to bring myself to say anything. I'm too much of a recluse.

I didn't say a thing.

Neither did she. Though she did look at me and open her mouth as if to say something a few times, but then changed her mind. I guess the silence bothered her too.

The ride felt like an eternity.

And so started a really crappy day. I have unit tests next week, Sems in 3 months., and tuts all the time.

And no pretty girl to talk about it with...

That Vodafone Ad just calls out to be parodied...

2009-08-16T07:09:00.001-07:00

If you haven't seen it yet, I can't blame you, because it's not that popular (I can't even find it on Youtube...) But it's a pretty cool ad for Vodafone Busy Tones or something that features people singing out what they're doing right then...(Eg: "I'm woooorking out, just woooorking out...")

Sort of like a twitter status update, except it's being spoken to whoever calls you when you're busy.

But that ad just SCREAMS out to be parodied, I mean, you can make all sorts of jokes with it. Here's an example just off the top of my head (Pardon the extraenous letters, they're needed to make it sound right...)

III'm Peeeping, in the Showwer...

I'm Dyying, hit by traaafic...

III'm busy, cause I'm stalking,..

I'm busy, I'm robbing banks here...

I'mm Jaaacking off, just Jaaacking off...

I'm Cheeating oooon my Giiiirrrlllfrriend....

Dunno why but I just had to post that. Feel free to make a video of this and put it on Youtube...:P

Swine Flu! Sacre Bleu!

2009-08-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

My college gave us a weeks worth of holidays on account of the swine flu scare. Totally unwarranted, completely useless, and detrimental to our academic development for this semester...

OH SHIT YES, IT'S AWESOME!

My college is so strict, it might give the Spartans a run for their..well whatever currency the Spartans used...Attendance records stored online for your parents to check, Gates locked until 4, spiky fences that are a pain to climb over...Bunking is IMPOSSIBLE. Besides, If I bunk, the nearest place to hangout is a good distance away, at Bandra...not worth it.

So this holiday is a welcome change. Not that I'm lazing about, though. The second I mentioned the holidays to my old pal nincri666, he was full of ideas about how to spend this time. and soo-

nincri666 is doing an animation short, and suggests that I help out a little.

Rishi_B is shifting his band work into high gear and suggests that me and nincri666 help him out with a youtube music video.

I'm also gonna update my blog sometimes...

Besides that, Amalganation is doing kinda badly. Mostly due to lack of new members. So Heres another shout out- It's a great place with friendly people where you can discuss...well, basically anything. So give it a whirl, 'kay?

That all said, I gotta study now. F.Y is apparently the toughest year in Engineering...

P.S.- (Just google searched it, and the Spartans apparently used iron shafts 15 inches long, as currency. Just to make it tough for any one person to have too much. Commies...)

No longer The U.S.

2009-07-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Right. So I haven't updated in like...two months, cause I've been busy with engineering college admission procedures.

But that's done now! I've got into Don Bosco Institute Of Technology for B.E. IT, and I'm happy as a lark. (Even though my marks weren't good)

So, I guess this means I'm not the Unwilling Somaiyaite anymore, (except on a metaphorical level, if you assume the word 'Somaiyaite' to be a euphemism for an attitude of Disinterested Conformism of the worst kind), even though for the last few months I've barely posted anything Somaiya-related at all. I guess I'm tired of whining about college life. That means the blog title has to change...

I'd want to keep the 'Life and Times...' bit, but I'm not sure what the rest of it should be.

I'd switch URLs too, but then the people who have linked to me will have to change their blogrolls, and I want to spare both of them the inconvenience.

So now I open the comments to this post for discussion. What do I call my blog now, or should I make a new blog entirely? I welcome suggestions from my readers (all four of them)...

AD Guitar.

2009-05-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is kinda old, but I'm putting it up anyway. It's a guitar design I did on my friend Dodo's guitar. It came out quite alright, considering it's the first time I did a decent sized design on wood. I just found the pictures I took on my hard drive, and felt like putting them up.

It's a play on his Initials and the phrase 'Anno Domini' (you know, like AD and BC after years.)

just thought I'd put it up...

Drive By

2009-05-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

I started driving school two days ago, the only freedom I have made use of from those I got when I turned 18. It might seem funny to start quite so late (Lot of you must be laughing, Most people I know atarted driving at 16...) but hell, I'm driving, thats what matters.

Though it's not as fun as I'd expected. The car I'm learning in is pretty old and has no Power steering. Not that I expected it, but it's quite a pain to put the spin on the steering 2 or 3 times every time I do a 90 degree turn.

And my instructor is a strange old cove. He talks non-stop, probably to get me used to concentrating on the road as well as his crap at the same time. Effective, but annoying. He claims he's spent a lot of time in Kuwait and other (quote)'Gulfi country places'(unquote). When I told him my name, his first reaction was to ask me if I was a (translated)'Roman Catholic who worships the Italian God'. I'd like to imagine he means the Pope, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's referring to something else. Maybe the dude who put the incline on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Today he said something about feeling hungry, and proceeded to (as part of my training(, make me drive through some pretty narrow bylanes till he reached a tea shop and got out to have bhajia or something. Bothersome, definitely (he didn't even give me any!) but I can't say I'm not learning quite a bit from him.

AmalgaNation

2009-05-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

Right, so sick of the Inactive Animax Forum, Shady, Ace and I decided to set up a new one, on Phpbb3, and this time not just for anime, but for media in general. You know, movies, music, games, and such like. Give it a visit sometime, eh?

http://amalganation.forumotion.com/

Politically Correct

2009-05-16T01:21:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was chatting with Shady when the topic of The Elections came up. He asked me if I had exercised my new found right to vote, and I answered in the negative ( I haven't got my voters ID yet).

We then got into a discussion about politics in general and the depressingly low turnout in Mumbai South. Most people call it a lot of things, apathy, laziness, the aloofness of the upper class and whatnot. The truth is, it's more of an intelligent man's dilemma.

The number of people living in Bombay with a reasonable income and level of Education is extremely low, when compared to the number of people in the Lower Income or Illiterate bracket. Thus, as the masses are to be pacified, the educated minority feels no need to vote. Besides, even if he's old enough, considered fit to vote, educated and equipped with a Voters ID, who is he going to vote for anyway?

Lets be rational here, there are technically two sides to governance in India. The Right Wingers, with extreme views and a general attitude of Intolerance to most minority denominations. 12 Attacks on churches in 3 states in the last year itself, all of those states under BJP's governance.

Then There's the secular side (Congress). While it may be argued that they are intelligent and can probably do wonders for the country, too many cases have been reported where they have siphoned funds to their own accounts, scammed the crap out of the general populace, that sorta thing.

So that's a decision between a Cunning Scammer or a Dangerous Fanatic. Aren't we spoilt for choice.

Then the Third Front, a confused mess of a coalition with so many contrasting ideologies in one place, their mutually repulsive forces can only be overcome with the prospects of money and power. So much for beliefs.

Independent Candidates? Great locally maybe, but not worth a lot on a national scale.

Small parties like the PPI? maybe if they had a few thousand more candidates being fielded. Of course, as the size of the parties increase, the more people there are who may be susceptible to more base behaviour, no matter how pure the partys declared intentions may be...

49-0 is an even worse option. Unless a vast majority of the people choose the option, it's just as good as not voting at all.

Maybe five years later things might change. Then again, maybe we'll be riding flying pigs then...

P.S.- Just got news that Congress won. Well at least they won't run around setting people on fire...

Sweet, Sweet, Frightening Freedom...

2009-05-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

CET is over. Done with. The last really important Engineering Entrance exam that I had to write. I'm free. Free like a bird. Shit, this is hard to accept. Like the shackles have fallen away, but I'm still not moving. Like I've done my Jail Time, and I don't know what to do now that I'm out of Prison.

Had a ridiculously fun time on the 12th. Headed out with my college friends. The guys I mentioned last time. Headed out to Ghatkopar, which, while not being much of a place to hit clubs or whatever, Is a place where the dudes love their food.

We spent close to four hours there, talking, laughing, stuffing our faces, and walking about town at 10:30 (the dead of night for Ghatkopar) laughing loud enough to wake the dead. Or at least some Gujju aunties. We were being ridiculously loud and obnoxious. In a loud and obnoxious way. Which is of course, loudly. And with great obnoxiousness. It was hella fun. Vents the bad vibes right out of your system. It also helps that I really don't know anybody who lives there, so I could be as L & O (don't tell me you need me to type that out once more) as I wanted.

And through that, no calls from my parents asking about when I was coming home. Because there wasn't much need for me to be at home. I'd just be passing time there too.

Right there, if you listened hard enough, you could hear the silence, which is also the sound of someone not nagging you.
Which is something I've been waiting four bloody years for.

But that silence ended up being very unsettling. Once you have the freedom to do as you please, you don't really feel like doing anything at all.

But screw that, Over the course of two long and painful years I have made a list of things to do, and I'll be damned if anything gets in my way now. Even my own disinterest.

I'm going to update like a fiend from now on. Telling you about the Hella fun I intend to have.

Shout Out...

2009-04-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

Well,haven't made a post since a long time. Or at least I haven't made a coherent post which actually has something to do with college or life in general since last year.

Lots of stuff has gone down since then. 12th over, IIT-JEE over, lined up for AIEEE and hoping to score in CET.

But the key thing to note here is that with the exception of going back to pick up my CET hall ticket, I probably never have to set foot in Somaiya anymore.

I'm no longer an Unwilling Somaiyaite. Which is of course suh-weet. But at the same time somewhat bitter. Bittersweet, if you will.

Make no mistake, that's not because I've suddenly fallen in love with that ol' dump. On the contrary, after running about for 3 days to finally submit my CET form, I'm hatin' it more than ever.

What I do miss though, are some of the people. Stuck in the same situation as me. Making it easier to deal with through humor. At least, sometimes.

I've switched many schools in my day, making me an educational nomad of sorts,
But it never gets any easier, leaving behind all the peeps that stuck with you. They always end up left behind. It's something you need to accept. No matter how many social networking sites you're on, no matter how many times you call them in a day, it's going to fade out eventually. Leaving them as one friend out of the thousand that you have on Facebook.

Which brings me back to the topic of the post. It's a Shout Out to all my buddies out there, who put up with me for the last two years.

At College, in no particular order- O.K. (a.k.a Dev D), Creative Influence, Who didn't flinch no matter how many F-bombs I ended up dropping. Akshay, who discovered that the most bearable part of college was the Ice Tea. Gautam- Fellow Anime Fan, Abhay, Ninad, The twins- Anta-Banta, Akhil and everyone in K.N.V.B. Shyam, who will probably be a Virgin. Bastard. fo' life. Nikhil J, stoned out bathroom singer and Lab Partner.

Appreciate you guys, hope we keep in touch...

Just Watched The Watchmen

2009-03-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

...Or at least half of a low quality TS scan of the movie. Damn, that book has some fabulous dialogue, and if you haven't read it, I suggest you go out and do so. Now. Don't dilly dally reading this dammit, get your ass to a Landmark or Oxford or whatever...

The man with all the best lines is of course, Rorschach.

This bit is an interview with his therapist where he explainswhat gave him such a ruthless attitude.

Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world. Was Rorschach. Does that answer your questions, Doctor?

And this little excerpt from his journal-

Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

2008-12-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, in the light of events that are scheduled to occur next month onwards, we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog to bring you this important public service message.

*Ahem*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWTFWTFWTFWTF!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!SHITHELLCRAPDICKOMG!!!!MOMMYDADDYUNCLEAUNTYDADADADIFREAKINSAVEME!!

I am SCREWED! Screwed, you get it?, like 'Phillips or Flathead' kinda screwed...
Because I can count the weeks left to the boards on one hand and half a foot, and it feels like I know nothing. My sieve-like mind has let my 2 years worth of slogging fall out, fly forth and turn into dust, scattered by the four winds...

So I guess you might understand if situations prevail that may never let me blog again...

oh, and also, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, dear readers...

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P.S.-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

In Flames...

2008-12-04T03:16:00.000-08:00

There was a huge demonstration at Gateway last night, and a somewhat smaller one at Chembur on Sunday. My dad went for the first one, and everyone in Chembur and Ghatkopar, except me, it seems, came for the second.

It's not that I'm skeptical about demonstrations like these. I did the whole 'candle in the windowsill' thing myself, the second I got the sms. Forwarded it to other people too.

But in the end, there are two ways of looking at it.

One- It's a symbol of hope and solidarity for all those involved.

Two- It's a way for people to feel happy because they think they have done something to solve the issue. Mental Masturbation.

All I'm going to say is, nine bucks a candle, one at Gateway multiplied by..approximately a lakh people who came to the rally...

About 9 Lakh, could be invested to get some decent equipment for the police.
I'm just saying there are more constructive things to be done than burning candles.

Saw some pretty good slogans at the rallies...I thought the best one was-

"Someday, maybe, we might forgive.
But we will never forget."

Sommebody gonna get-a-Fucked, Reeeal Bad...

2008-11-27T23:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to state the obvious here. You know what I'm talking about. A bunch of brainwashed psychos in their quest for heavenly poontang went off and tried to take over the Taj and the Oberoi hotels. Everybody knows that. What else you obviously know, is that this post is a reasonably mindless rant made by a mentally unbalanced teenager, and you probably aren't expecting something too intelligent.

I'm not going to (for once) criticize the Law enforcement agencies for their action/inaction or whatever. It's just not my place.
If I was given the task to lay siege to the hotels, my strategy would involve crowds of people chanting 'Cocksucker, Motherfucker' through loudspeakers, repeatedly and with increasing intensity, to mess up the Terrorists enough for them to do something stupid...and then the Commandos could move in.

This obviously proves that I'm no strategist, who can comment on the techniques of the police. I have a new-found respect for the Navy Commandos too.

I'm pissed off at the news channels too. Between Barkha Dutt and Rajdeep Sardesai, the victims, authorities and bystanders have been harrased with every tactless and/or mildly retarded question possible. Which, on the internet, may be called 'some fuckin annoying flamebait'. But hell, it's not exactly unexpected, is it? They just want some eyeballs on 'em...

I'm friggin fuck nuts annoyed at the stance of Politicians, either using this situation as a weapon (Modi, I'm lookin at you), or 'Strongly Condemning' the attacks, because they can't do any other goddamn thing about it. I don't think there are ay phrases more annoying to me than 'Strongly Condemn'. Fix the problem, and then excercise your mouth.

What I will state, and have been stating, though, is exclusively, my own opinion.

Somebody gonna get-a-Fucked...Reeeaal Bad.

Even the most placid, flatfooted, grass chomping stromboni, when pushed far enough, has it's survival insticts kick in. And we've been pushed pretty goddamn far. And if another of these situations go by with a pat on the head from a politician, and a one fingered salute to the 'Mumbai Spirit', people are just gonna go set fire to stuff, go crazy, crate Anarchy.

What the fuck is with that whole 'Mumbai Spirit' thing anyway? They say we bounce back after ecery calamity. Does that mean we should get thrown around even harder? Who asked you to measure our modulus of motherfucking elasticity?????

You know how I said there wasn't a more annoying phrase than 'Stongly Condemn'? Well I just found it.

If those terrorists get caught, by ordinary individuals instead of the police, They're gonna feel that Mumbai Spirit. A city of stressed out workers in a rat race with no means of a release, who get battered on a monthly basis by some tragedy or the other but pick themselves up and go to work, not because thy're brave or bold, but because they have to earn some money to live another day in this hole, and while they're at it, earn some more money to pay taxes which go towards ensuring that the roads, and sidewalks, and parks and buses and trains are NOT fixed or improved, while we suffocate in the poisonous air. They're gonna get some Mumbai Spirit, all right...right in the ass...

And to the Negligent Government of the State and Centre - We've grown up on pothole-filled roads to drive on, poison to breathe, Traffic, Floods, Bombs, Bullets, Gang Wars, Bent Cops, everything down to fucking Lightning strikes. That doesn't mean we want things to stay this way, you bitches...

The End of an Era/Error

2008-11-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

I booted up my PC and fired up Opera to check up on the Animax-sa Forums. It's something that I do from time to time, not with the alarming frequency that I used to visit, back when my boards had just ended. I check a few sections that I visit often, and I see an announcement from the friendly neighbourhood mod.

The Forum is being shut down and a new one is being set up in its place. Which means, all threads will be lost, all post counts will be reset. Which kinda shook me up.

Most people who visit this blog reasonably often, are people who will probably understand why it bothers me. It shouldn't, if viewed objectively...Internet Forums are usually cited as the one piece of irrefuteable proof that the Internet is making people stupid. The average Messageboard is a writhing mass of Trolls, Spambots, lolcats and a quest for the 'lulz'.

(if any of you didn't get that, congratulations on your normalcy, now go look it up on Urban Dictionary...)

Add to that the fact that I have my exams coming up, well...most would say there are more important things to worry about.

But strangely enough, when I joined back in 2006, the Forum was lightyears above average, in terms of intellectualism. It was a platform for anime fans such as myself to share opinions and views, and considering there was NOBODY else I knew (living nearby) who watched anime or read manga, it was a blessing.

Sure it's infuriatingly slow, and it's tailor made to sun on IE 5. Which kinda gives you an idea of how outdated the firmware was. But we didn't mind. It's not everyday when you find a place with 1000+ like minded members... (unless you're really into visiting porn sites...in which case, it IS everyday...)

Dylan, Shady, Wolf, Ace, HK, Kysh, Leon, Sin, Blackcat, Ithil, Vazha, Kyo...even Aubin...and DS...and so many other people...if it wasn't for the forum I wouldn't know them, probably...In fact, I probably wouldn't be able to write this blog...I wouldn't be active online that much either...

So it is with great nostalgia that I bid adieu to the old and ring in the new. At least I hope it's worth it.

Psst, Flug people, How about a reboot to the Out Of The Blue series? Hey, it worked for Batman...

Sliver of Doubt.

2008-11-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

Doubt, it's quite a thing. Sneaks up on you when you least expect it and hits you with all the subtlety of a frag grenade. Not being content with that, it flings those bits of flak at you, which find their way into your brain, and leave you paralysed...

I have temporarily pulled myself up out of the cesspool of depression that my daily routine has become, to take five minutes doing what I do best. Whining and Bitching like no one else can.

It wouldn't be so bad if I was sure I'll never get into IIT. That's fine, I can live with that. It would be friggin sweet if I knew for sure that I'd get a rank, but that's really not the case either. It's this whole 'in between' thing that makes it hard. If I don't try, it's sad cause I'm passing up the chance that I might get in. But if you try and end up getting screwed, well...it's two years wasted and a lifetime's worth of depression for nothing...

I'm not even sure getting in is worth it, now. Sometimes I feel like I just might make it to a seat in IIT-B, other times I feel like my optimism is delusional. Somewhere in the middle, I end up hoping I get into the new IIT-G, which is being mentored by Mumbai, so I'll end up studying in the IIT B campus even if I'm ranked low...

But for it to be worth all this, all the work, all the crippling depression that students endure, IIT has to be pretty fucking mindblowing. The professors better be some sort of psychics, chanelling the spirits of Einstein or freaking Newton, for this to be worth it. The campus ought to be a damn beach resort, for this to be worth it. Upon graduation, we ought to be declared supreme rulers of the free freakin world. Throw in 42 virgins in heaven and some M&M's, and all of that might just make it all worth it...

I end with a (doctored) line from South Park, which I think summarizes the whole dilemma nicely.

'Trying for IIT is like a man dying of thirst, getting cow urine poured down his throat. He thinks, "Well, I AM thirsty, but this is fucking Cow Piss..."

Reunion

2008-10-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

P.P. is holding a reunion next week, for the class of 2007. Those of you who were paying attention may remember that the official reunion was around 6 months ago. But that one was panned by critics for it's low entertainment value and large unruly crowds, so this one is for our batch only. Which is around 160 people, but it's not like everyone's coming, right?

I'm actually wondering if I should go (Yes, 'should' because I don't really have classes then, I lied so you'd quit pestering me, okay, XYZ?)because last time was a real disaster.

Imagine a guy at a party who doesn't know anyone there, and after a few failed attempts at making conversation, he ends up playing on his cell phone, in a corner, wondering whether staying home and watering the plants would make for a more entertaining evening. That guy was me.

Not that I didn't know anybody, technically. But I'm so out of touch, they may have well been strangers, and as anyone who's tried knows, Trying to talk to strangers is tough (let's not forget, your momma told you not to)

And at a moment like this that it hits me once more, how strange it is that It's so easy to give your opinion to the entire world online, but so hard to talk to just one guy you haven't seen for a few months...

Strange...

2008-10-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Raj T's followers break stuff=Front page news
Bomb Blast in Manipal=Page Eleven

I really don't see why there should be so much disparity...

Wannabe Insanity...

2008-10-20T00:36:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of people online who claim to be insane, or crazy, or high,, just for the hell of it, after which they continue to act and talk in an absolutely normal way...
I mean, half the blogs I visit have the word 'insane' in it's name...insanitypills, moodsofinsanity, insaneasylum...you get the idea...

What I want to ask is- Do you have even the slightest idea how it feels to be insane? Off balance? Round the bend? Few nickels short of a dollar?

If you ever reach that situation, pretty soon You'll find yourself start talking about things like barometric irrigation in the steppes of Antarctica. You'll act like a junkie monkey hopped up on pink marijuana, purple pills and that white powder you found in your hair. Speed beans from the mezzanine of Hotel Chupanime, make you scream like potassium hydrazine. Two steps forward, one step back, breakdance baby!, and then eight steps to the left is where you dig for the treasure of le Concubine, pronounced with an 'Aye' at the end.

After you get to that stage, there's really no going straight, so jump headlong into the delicious stupidity like a marsmallow in the chocolate fountain of ethereal fantasies. Hang out with rainbow coloured dinousaurs (but not purple ones, mind you...) and maybe they'll tell you the sqaure root of negative two, if you play nice and act right and don't get motion sickness as you drive down memory lane, they won't drop you off for a probing at Area 51...

At this point, you're probably wondering what you're doing going 120 miles per hour in the wrong lane, in a blue-and-yellow corvette screaming down the road, smelling like german leather, as you stare at the pale green sky. It's really great weather to be running through the heather inhaling that sweet ether (...or was it ester?). Showering in enols,thiols and some alcohol, telling tinkerbell not to hide the aldehydes when you're trying to judge your time of flight when you throw yourself off from the height of 18 squared feet...

According to your calculations, you should land smack in between two logicians who are arguing about the percentage constitution of their handfuls of lemon cherry pudding. I suggest you join the fun and tell them that the answer is one, to the power fotry eight parts per hundered, divided by 2 minus five + 3...

You might think It's plain to see, that I'm crazy, irrevocably, but realize that I pity all you chumps who act so silly, and ignore all the nitty-gritties of the fact that you cling to rationality, but feign insanity, you wannabes, and all the while you get your jollies from pretending to be an inmate of a rubber room facility...

If you read all way here, I hereby to put rest to your fears, I scorn your feeble attempts at feigning insanity. Until you really feel the strain that breaks your mind and burns your brain, you haven't cracked under stress- to be driven, totally, and intensely...mad...

So quit pretending, and leave the crazy to me, a'ight?

Russel Peters!

2008-10-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

OMG, Russel Peters is going to be performing at Shanmukhananda on 27th October...
God damn my classes that make it impossible for me to go...

For those of you who don't know him, Russel Peters is a Jamaican-Canadian-Indian stand up comedian...who's jokes are pure awesome...

Here are a few-

and you gotta watch

Hump day Happenings...

2008-10-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Wednesday...Hump Day...apparantly it's called that because it comes right in the middle of the work week, and once you get over it, things get better by friday and the weekend...

Happily enough though, this week seems better than usual, as World Movies is airing freaking awesome movies today- Swindled, Rainbow Song, Offside and The Great Dictator...(last one airs on thursday at six am...), And I very conveniently am home alone with no lectures to go to! Sweet...

That aside, I'd recommend these movies to anyone who has even a casual interest in world cinema...

On another note, jus got an incredibly crappy chain letter, that starts like this-

Once you have opened this e-mail, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is
having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there

Oh yeah? Well fuck you...my day sucks already, and there isn't really much you can do to make it even worse...

Photography

2008-10-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

Random pics from my cell phone...

Kitten-On its seat at a local eatery...

Sprite + Ice Cream = Antidepressant.

The kinda day that makes you want to whip up a glass of anti depressant...

The K.J. Somaiya Orion Racing team on a practice run preparing for the students grand prix.

The damn thing is real fast, the last two were taken on burst fire mode...

The first was taken upside down, don't blame me, I was surprised that it actually runs...

Newborn stray puppies, at Neelkanth valley.

The Art of Conversation...

2008-10-01T04:41:00.000-07:00

...is dead to me now.

I find it harder and harder to have a normal conversation nowadays. I had this one with friend after he succeded in irritating me with a 'Crazy Frog' impression...

Me: Dude, stop that, or I swear, I am gonna kick you so hard, it'll take a team of surgeons to get my foot outta your ass...

Him: Why?

Me: What?

Him: Why would you wanna put your foot up an ass? Incredibly dirty place to put a foot, don'tcha think?

Me: Well, I can always wash my feet...The butt, on the other hand, is gonna end up pretty sore, something that can't be so easily fixed...

Him: You can always go to a doctor...

Me: Yes, but fixing it involves a lot of pain and embarrasment, which is the motive for the foot-stuffing in the first place...Just imagine how embarrasing it might be to go ask your doctor to stich your ass up...

Him: ...

Me: Pretty damn embarrasing...

Him: I'd imagine a lot of gay guys have that problem...

Me: -_- ...I'd imagine they use something...

Me: You know, that novadaine or duragel or something?

Him: Novocaine?

Me: No, that's what dentists use...

Him: It's the same thing, Mahendra Vatsa mentioned it...the gel stuff...

Me: The same stuff that dentists put on their hands... 0_0

Him: ...eew...imagine a gay dentist...using the same jar of gel for two VERY different purposes...

Me: Dude, please...why won't he buy another jar, if he was so inclined to use it for err...personal use?

Him: Yeah right, imagine him asking the chemist guy...'I'd like two jars please...one for the clinic..and one for...er...*cough*...Home....'

Me:...

Me: You are one sick SOB...you know that, right?

Assoholic...

2008-09-30T19:32:00.001-07:00

My Math professor is an Assoholic- which is to say, he's addicted to being an asshole...

It doesn't give him enough pleasure to give us IIT level sums which he knows we haven't covered in the portion yet, but he shouts at us like a cranky drill seargent hopped up on a coffee and red bull cocktail...complete with his special brand of trash talk...

I'm not saying that he says things like

'You call that differentiation? My Grandma differentiates better than you!'

'You boys couldn't integrate a straight line...'

'You need to solve a sum every 10 seconds in CET, soldier, and you know what, listening to me, you just wasted 10 seconds! Hop to work, ya lazy no-good, sleep loving, life-having scumbag!'

But I'm saying he's almost there...

He also takes great pleasure in discussing his weekend plans, smack dab when wer'e in the middle of a real mind boggler, and as a result, I really don't know the answer, but I know that gaping asshole has watched 'You don't mess with the Zohan, Chaos Theory, Hamlet and Hari Puttar (WTF ?-_-) in the past week, not because they were any good, but just because he could...

Arrogant IITian...one of the few bad examples I've met. Here I take the opportunity to quote Samuel L Jackson from one of his most intellectually stimulating movies...-XXX...

'Why is it always the Assholes who pass the tests?'

Maybe I should Re-Think Things...

2008-09-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

Just had an argument with a friend over whether god cares about humans or not, where at the end she got offended and decided never to talk to me again...

That's when I messaged another friend (Himura_Kenshin, for those of you who know him) and asked him the same thing

What followed was this pretty wierd conversation-

Me: Hey, religious question- Do you think God cares about humans?

HK- Actually, I'm an Atheist, did you forget?

Me: Ah...well...I guess I did, but assuming there is a God, what do you think?

HK- I don't think he/she/ really cares. If he/she did George Bush wouldn't be alive and Saddam wouldn't be dead...

Me: Yeah, that's what...what? Saddam...Hussein?

HK: Yeah, him...great statesman, did a lot for Women in the country and stood up to the American Invaders.

Me: Wasn't he like...a mass murdering dictator of some sort, you know, gassing villages with nerve gas, so the people wouldn't think of rebelling and stuff...

HK: VX Gas was never found! it was all false propoganda...

Me: Didn't National Geographic get those pics of scar faced villagers?

HK: Ever heard of Photoshop? -_-

Me: Um...not so probable back in 91...

...It's around this time when I start thinking, 'when the only guy on your side thinks Saddam Hussein is the bomb, maybe there need to be a few changes in your philosophy...'

Is There a Priest in the House?

2008-09-29T01:41:00.000-07:00

On my way to class last week, I noticed two men distributing flyers on topics such as 'Is there a God', and 'Death is not the End' and such like. You know the type, spreading religious goodwill and that sorta thing. Members of a Christian organization, they were, and I admire their bravery...

Especially when nowadays they might get shot up for something like that...

Which makes me wonder how much attention God is really paying to us. And why doesn't He step in when people use Him as an excuse to go out and kill people...

Religion has ended up doing as much harm, as good...

Feedback

2008-09-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

People never really need that much of a reason to get together. They may be attracted to each other and have no idea why, they just feel that way.

Makes sense that break ups occur in much the same way, when people stop, for whatever reason, feeling whatever they used to.

But since we never question good thing when they come our way, and whine about the crap when it hits us in the face, I think it's quite a pain to be given a vague reason like 'I just don't feel that way anymore'.

Say whatever you want to, 'Your taste in clothes suck',

'Your deo does nothing for you',

'You look about as attractive as a pair of mud wrestling hippos'...

whatever...you're breaking up, chances are the person's feeling pretty bad anyway. Might as well give em some pointers to improve on.

Which is why I think we ought to make a feedback system for failed relationships...you know, like the ones you got at the end of camps and stuff? Yeah, the ones where everyone wrote 'Twice a day', when you were expected to write your sex...Those form things...

Something like...

'Breaking up after the duration of _____(days/months/years/minutes), It is my last request to you, for old times sake, to pen down the cause of this break up (In not more than 60 words) and answer a few simple questions about our relationship that will help improve the experiences for future partners.

Reason for Break-up_____________________________________________________

Was the 'We can Still be friends' line used?

Yes

If 'Yes' then was the Offer to downgrade from partner to friend accepted?

Yes
No

Did you establish partnerships with Other parties for similar services within the duration of the relationship?

Yes
No

If Yes, who is the Punk-ass man-whore in question?-__________________

What would you rate the 'Arrow experience' on a scale of 1 to 10- _____

Would you recommend the 'Arrow Experience' to your friends?

Yes

If 'Yes' kindly provide the Names and contact numbers of five of your friends. Pics will be appreciated.

_________

Other comments/Suggestions, if any-________________________________________

Thank you for your participation in this survey!'

I dunno about you guys, but this is a system I could get used to...better than hearing 'It's just not working out' or something, anyway.

Our Despo Heroes

2008-09-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

I have discussions with my friends sometimes about why the average Indian male is such a freaking horndog.

Which is when I realize, the reason the average Indian man is so perverted...

...Is because the average Indian role model is, too.

Watch the guys staring at the lady's low rider jeans and grinning. Sachin seems to be consciously avoiding looking anywhere in the general direction of the exposed undergarments in question.

But hey, the average homosexual need not assume that cricket is a 'straight pervs only' game...

Because here we see Shreesanth...I suggest you observe closely and notice something

The hand grabbing Shreesanth's privates is not his own, Shreesanth's right hand has the black band on it.

Inference 1- It isn't Sachin, he's usually scratching HIMSELF...

Inference 2- It isn't Dhoni, he's the wicket keeper, and he knows to catch the right balls...also, the gloves make it obvious it isn't him...

Inference 3- It isn't any of the three pervs from the above picture, their hands may be busy with certain other activities...

Inference 4- It's probably a batsman, who doesn't normally have his hands on the ball, and doesn't really know the difference without looking...

Conclusion 1- That's a pretty...intense...way to celebrate...I don' t even want to imagine what goes on in the dressing room...

Conclusion 2- Cricket can be incredibly gay sometimes, thus catering to the depraved masses...No wonder Football isn't popular here...

The End is Near..

2008-08-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

As I speak right now, somewhere in Sweden, a bunch of Scientist-types are working on The Large Hadron Collider, the worlds biggest proton accelerator...the worlds biggest anything, for that matter...

Why this is of importance, to all of you people who couldn't care less, is because scientists are attempting to study the formation of the Universe itself, and they are doing this by trying to recreate the Big Bang...

You don't have to be an egghead to figure out that thats the kinda thing that can seriously fuck shit up...The energy of the big bang is of the order of magnitude of 2 raised to a million Joules, which will rip the the crap out of the planet and possibly set up a Universe within a Universe...

But of course there's a very slim chance of that actually happening...

Of course, the formation of Antimatter is a concern, and so is the possible formation of a Black Hole...

Once again, that's not exactly the healthiest thing for a planet, what with being sucked into a sinkhole for matter and energy itself...

This isn't just crap I'm making up, by the way, here's wiki to shed some light on it...

Concerns have been raised about the safety of the LHC on the grounds that high-energy particle collisions performed in the collider might cause disastrous events, including the production of stable micro black holes (mBHs) and strangelets.

Strangelets, by the way refers to the Strange Matter Theory, referred to, here

If the strange matter hypothesis is correct and a strangelet comes in contact with a lump of ordinary matter such as Earth, it could convert the ordinary matter to strange matter. This "ice-nine" disaster scenario is as follows: one strangelet hits a nucleus, catalyzing its immediate conversion to strange matter. This liberates energy, producing a larger, more stable strangelet, which in turn hits another nucleus, catalyzing its conversion to strange matter. In the end, all the nuclei of all the atoms of Earth are converted, and Earth is reduced to a hot, large lump of strange matter.

To put it plainly, we make one particle of strange matter, that sparks a chain reaction that turns all of earth and everything in it into a steaming pile of crap...that turns anything it touches into more crap....

Now, individually, the chances of one of these things happening is pretty low, but club it all together and things get worrysome...

I don't know about you but I'm trying to do as many good deeds as possible beofre the 21st of October...can't be too careful...

100 bullets

2008-08-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

100 Bullets is a DC/Vertigo comics crime-drama series, which is slated to continue for (what else) 100 issues...

It exhibits a distinct noir style, in both the story and the language used, which by the way is pretty 'strong'...you have been warned...

I'll let Wiki fill you in on the rest...

100 Bullets is an Eisner and Harvey Award-winning comic book written by Brian Azzarello and illustrated by Eduardo Risso

The initial plot of 100 Bullets hinges on the question of whether people would take the chance to get away with revenge. Occasionally in a given story arc, the mysterious Agent Graves approaches someone who has been the victim of a terrible wrong, and gives them the chance to set things right in the form of a nondescript attaché case containing a handgun, 100 bullets, a photograph of a person, and irrefutable evidence that this person is primarily responsible for their woes. He informs the candidate that the bullets are completely untraceable: any police investigation that uncovers one of them will stop.

Though all of the murders enabled by Agent Graves are presented as justifiable, the candidates are neither rewarded nor punished for taking up the offer, and appear to receive nothing other than closure for their actions. Several people have declined the offer. This is later revealed to be only a minor part of a much wider story.

That's pure noir right there, as in- Crime, Deeply flawed characters, Dark settings, themes like Revenge, Retribution and loads of action...Kinda like a Max Payne paperback...

This is what makes up most of my reading nowadays, and I recommend it to anyone who likes good comics...

The Hitch Hiker's guide to The Galaxy

2008-08-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

This book (later adapted to a movie) is summed up in one word...crazy...

Imagine if the author, Douglas Adams, sat down to write it with a long line of tequila shots on one side of his table, a bowl full of assorted hallucinogenic drugs on the other side of the table, and his laptop in the middle- You'd get some idea about how crazy the book is...

Let wiki continue things- do note that the first line on the article is- "all or part of this article may be confusing or unclear', which is just how these books do, y'know?

The book begins when contractors arrive at Earthling Arthur Dent's house in order to demolish it to make way for a bypass. Arthur's friend Ford Prefect arrives as Arthur is attempting to talk the demolition crew into leaving his house standing, and talks Arthur into coming to a local pub with him, at which point Ford explains that he (Ford) is actually from a planet somewhere near Betelgeuse and that they have to get off the planet before it's demolished. An alien race of bureaucrats called Vogons intend to destroy Earth to make way for a "hyperspace bypass".

After which, they hitch-hike across the galaxy, being tortured by bad poetry, dealing with manic depressive robots and elevators that can look into the future, journeying, meeting the president of the Galaxy, quite literally to the end of the universe and back again, being blown back in time, forward in time, or just blown up, quite often...

After which they finally find the Answer to Life, The Universe and everything in it...

Makes for some incredible reading, but it's comedy of a slightly nerdy kind...if you haven't done any science in your short life, you may not get some of the more subtle jokes...

Kick-Ass!

2008-08-25T03:49:00.001-07:00

Kick Ass is a brand spankin' new series, written by Mark Millar, started off in April 2008...here's a short summary...

Dave Lizewski is an unnoticed high school student and comic book fan with a few friends and who lives alone with his father. His life is not very difficult and his personal trials not that overwhelming. However, one day he makes the simple decision to become a super-hero even though he has no powers or training

As you can probably see, just looking through that summary, and the attached picture, that this one is pretty darn unconventional. It's pretty darn violent, too, and quite profane...but then again, you're not going to be saying things like 'Blistering Buttercups!' when you're being tortured with a Car Battery wired to your nuts, now, are you?

It completely defies all precedents by showing what REALLY might happen if someone straps on a spandex suit and goes looking for trouble in a rough neighbourhood...not fame and glory, but scars, bruises, life threatening injuries and maybe even the aforementioned car battery burns on your privates...

Look around on the intarwebs and you'll find this comic in a cbr format for easy reading...I've got chapter one and three, and if anyone gets their hands or mouse on chapter 2, be sure to tell me...

What I've been upto...

2008-08-25T03:35:00.000-07:00

...Thats worth mentioning, anyway...

This means I'm not mentioning anything to do with studies, I talk about that enough...but don't let that give you the impression that I'm spending my life pissing away my time reading books and watching movies...

The next series of posts are going to be about the movies, comics, manga and books that I've been reading in the last six months...they tend to be things that are relatively unknown, so anyone who has interest in the aforementioned topics should probably stick around...

Comfort Food, Comfort Book...

2008-08-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

Who Watches The Watchmen

2008-08-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

I've just finished reading the Graphic Novel Masterpiece, The Watchmen...now I'm completely excited about the movie coming out right after my CET exams next year...

Aside from which, I'm also excited about the Max Payne movie, coming out in November...

And 'Wanted' which is releasing here next week...

And Metallica's new album in years, Death Magnetic...

And The new album from The Rasmus...

And The LAmB Anime releasing in October-November....

And Gotham Knight, the prequel to 'The Dark Knight'...

And X-men:Origins-Wolverine...

And Lots of other things to look forward to...if it wasn't for all those darn studies...

Survival Facts for you n00bs!

2008-08-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

Just in case you FYJC students googled the name of your college, on a whim, and ended up on this site, here's some vital information to help you through your 2 year ordeal to come...

In other words, Suffer well, you S.O.B...

Facts about Somaiya

1)Being seen Wearing an SK ID card is about the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a person

2)It takes longer to get a new I.D. card than to complete a two year Junior college course

3)All requests have to be sent in writing to the office so that they can be filed, then misplaced, then forgotten, then sold off, then remembered, then recovered and finally buried underground behind the library for six years before any action is taken.

4)Painting is undertaken (without any exaggeration) once every twenty-Five years

5)The colour of the outside building was a dark red colour once upon a time...you would never have guessed that with all the bleaching and the chuna that they apply, would you?

6)There are people in commerce and arts who don't even know what their college looks like.

7)Male Students wearing three-fourth pants are taken to task for 'Gross Indecency'

8)You can find half the answers of your exams written on the walls near you.

9)If you are caught by the principal without wearing an I.D you may be asked 'If you are the poor'

10)The most deadly variety of student here are the Vinay Mandir students-They move in groups and attack in packs, so stay clear and avoid eye contact...

Updata

2008-07-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

I'm living alone for this week, and I've taken control of my dad's laptop for the time being.

Somaiya has improved, greatly so, with the inclusion of a new place for students to while away their lectures, a basketball court!

Also, We have cut offs for a shitty college like mine going up to 95% on the first list. For perspective, I'd like you to note that last years 1st list was 85%. If this isn't an Indicator that the 'Normalisation' of marks is a crappy idea, I dunno what is...

LOTS of new movies out, and several hotly anticipated.

Hancock, Jaane Tu, The Incredible Hulk, and coming soon, The Dark Knight...

Can't wait...

'KNVB'

2008-06-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

The rains have started, and so has college...a more perfect time for football has yet to be envisioned.

This is largely due to the fact that days on which I go to college are comparitively less hectic than my days off, owing to the fact that my classes tend to ease up on the homework.

The title of this post is the name of a football team that my college mates have knocked together, on a whim, quite spontaneously, on a spur-of-the moment decision about how to spend our free lectures more constructively. This sudden flight of fancy has ended up being taken quite seriously, and I've found myself ending up as part of it, and enjoying it too, even though I don't play that much, or that well, for that matter...

Those of you that follow footy might recognize KNVB as some mildly famous club from the Netherlands. The reason for adopting this name is partly due to the fact that we aim to piggy-back off the real teams success, and also partly because the jerseys came at a bargain price, and we don't have the cash, or the inclination, to print out personalized ones...

So all we needed, was a creative spin on the Acronym, to provide a snappy answer to all those people who asked us what it stands for...

And so the team was gloriously christened- 'The Knight Naughty Virgin Bastards'

A little on the profane side, maybe, and grammatically incorrect, to boot, but with an alternative spelling of Knights & Naughty Virgin Bastards, it might just pass muster. Grammatical accuracy never figures in the grand scheme of things anyway, and you must admit, it sounds less corny (not to mention, less Gay) when compared to 'Kingly Nasty Victory Boys', which was the first suggested idea, which was quickly shot down.

EDIT: Oh wait, it's actually called (much to my annoyance) The KNine VagaBonds, which kinda sounds to me like a stray dogs association...oh well, what the hell...I'm still calling it the 'Virgin Bastards'...

Messages from the Afterlife

2008-05-19T21:28:00.000-07:00

Feels like I'm watching my own corpse float downstream on the Ganga...

Which, under normal circumstances is highly unlikely, given that I'm not a religious man, and the corpse eating, flesh ripping carnivorous crabs, that do such a good job of clearing the river of the dead, would probably throw up and reject my impure sinner-body after a few bites of their first course...

But the person currently doing the dance of death? Nope, that there is a pure-hearted, clean minded, hardworking ol' thing who was closer to me than several of my family members, and taught me more than all my college professors combined into one giant 'super professor'...
(I have GOT to quit watching that Gundam thing...)

I am referring, of course, to my ADSL Modem, whose parents at MTNL chose not to name. This was of course, rectified when I saw it work, and my first reaction at surfing the net at 200kbps (compared to a shitty 64), was to christen that piece of pristine white plastic- 'Speedy'...

In all fairness. there were faster modems out there, also bigger, better, whiter, noisier!...but I didn't care. Maintaining a steady packet flow, be it noon or night, together we surfed the internet like Goerge Freeth on 30ft- Hawaiian waves.

Good Times...Goooood times...

But alas, with high speeds come high bills, and it was soon high time that I started studying...seriously...

and so, Speedy is to pass on, to the great big server in the sky, a resting place until he gets his next life, who knows where...

It's hard, I tell you...it's pretty fucking hard to let go of something that has done so much, and asked for so little in return...(except for maybe, an occasional dusting, which is something I've always denied it...)

So Its hard not to take it badly when MTNL asks me to turn in ol' Speedy, personally, at their office, before my internet connection is officially...well..disconnected.

It feels like I just pulled the plug on my Twin Brother's Life Support system, after which the Coroner hands me a goddamn SHOVEL and asks me to bury him myself...

And so, a part of me dies, cannibalized by the part of me that studies and gets yelled at my authority figures...(Sheesh, talk about internal struggles..)

It seems that the (hopefully) somewhat distinguished life of the Unwilling Somaiyaite comes to a pretty untimely end...But fret not (though I don't think any fretting is in progress...) if situations and occasions turn particularly exceptional, I may blog about something that affects me profoundly and makes me wanna yak about it to no one in particular...and send you messages from my permanent adress at the corner of Internet hell...

Which happens like, once every few weeks...

SRK should be available in Liquid form...

2008-04-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

...So that every man, woman and child can take an SRK injection. That way, he won't feel the need to plague our senses by parading on every channel on TV, and we might just end up watching something that doesn't contain him.

Sports Channels?- Ever since he bought himself an IPL team
Music Channels- He's come out with Cassettes and CD's of his IPL team's Theme song.
News Channels- When nothing even vaguely or remotely interesting has happened in the film industry. (i.e.- Every Other Day)
Entertainment channel- With his shameless rip off of the '5th Grader' game show genre.
Movie Channels- Do I even need to elaborate?

Of course, This does not include the several thousand times he appears on TV for Advertising and Endorsements.

It seems obvious that SRK has gained/invented/discovered the power of Omnipresence, much to the dismay of the entertainment starved populace.

Dear Mr. Khan....I just want to say, there are some things that Humans just weren't meant to have. And this is one thing YOU just aren't supposed to have. It's morally wrong, and as you know, it's illegal, what with the Laws of Physics and all.

Give it up, dude. Give it up.

Where Movie Merchandising goes horribly wrong...

2008-04-12T02:47:00.000-07:00

Thats when you find-

Pirates Of The Caribbean-Jack Sparrow Deodarant spray.-

I shit you not, this is something I saw at my neighborhood supermarket and laughed my head off at, Much to the surprise and shock of innocent bystanders, who were further puzzled when I tried to take a picture of it on my camera phone (Which came out blurred...darn, you'll have to make do by looking for it on google.). They probably thought I was a professional shoplifter adding things to my 'hit-list' or something.

But back to the point, this is an example of A Movie Tie-Up that makes no sense. Because Pirates were the kind of people who bathed rarely, and by rarely, I mean once every few years. Their aroma is the kind expected of the average Scurvy Cur who hasn't changed his underwear since he was five, and who's been stewing in salt water and sweat in the same set of clothes for over three years. 'Pungent' would be an Understatement. 'Putrid' Would be more accurate.
'Fucking crazy' would be a person who would actually want to smell like that.

Oh, and the real kicker is the fine print at the bottom of the can which says '100% Alcohol free'.
Would Jack Sparrow, a character who's most fondly remembered line is, 'But Why is the Rum Gone?', approve?
Quite clearly, Hell No.

Worth a laugh, though.

Out Of The Blue- Fashionable Ignorance

2008-04-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

I have deviated from writing about Somaiya and it's Slip Ups on several past occasions. And I Intend to do so a lot more. Just for the hell of it, and don't give me that crap about false advertising unless you want some about freedom of speech. I will however, alert you by adding the phrase 'Out Of The Blue' in the title, to specify that it is a semi-meaningless post filled with crap collected from the seventh ring of Hell. Don't say I didn't warn you

I hate ass baring low rider jeans. With a vengeance.

I hate T shirts with moronic messages like 'Pull me out from the inside' or 'Free Hand lotion, pull below'.

I hate wannabes who take the time to adjust their (much hated) Low rider pants to let the fake brand name 'Jaakey' peek out.

It's about as smart as a Flashlight Shotgun And it makes me happy as a lark to be blissfully unaware about fashionable crap.

But, as a fashionably ignorant nerd, (and proud of it) there are a few things I wish were in fashion.

For instance, T shirts like the ones worn by this lady here.
(Watching 'A Good year' is very bearable when you have bits like this to encourage you)

Now, am I the only person who thinks that kicks ass? Low rider pants? Naah, do one step further and get Low rider, Off-shoulder T-shirts....I think Gucci actually makes em too!

E.V.S. Randomness

2008-03-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

Scene: Exam Hall 10 minutes before the E.V.S. exam.

Me: So...What's the portion?

G. : Ahh...You know...Pollution, Major Environmental Issues, Disasters...that kinda thing...

Me: Oh...so...didja study for it?

*Awkward pause, Followed by the laughter of everyone, including me...*

Yeah, Right, like thats gonna happen...

I support the move Of the Maharashtra Board Of Education, to make E.V.S. Compulsory...
After the absorption of large amounts of perfectly irrelevant trivia under the guise of Secondary Education in the 10th std. board exam, I believe that The inclusion of E.V.S. is a great way to develop a skill that comes in handy in everyday Life- The Art Of Bullshit

The best way to make people believe that you are smarter than you actually are...

Looking at the average E.V.S answer sheet, you can see that even if the student might know only one point out of the required four, by twisting and turning the words of the limited information he has, he can make it into as many points as he feels like...

Thus, very few people look through the textbook...and end up having Random conversations about the portion...

Eg:

What to do In case Of a Natural Disaster?

Move away from the centre of the Disaster, as quickly as possible, to minimize risk to life and limb.
Run away
Travel far away from the area of major impact
Haul your ass the hell outta there...
In case of Flood, swim Away
In case of Fire, move quickly towards flood prone area.
In case Of Fire On The Mountain, run, Run, RUN!
In case of Toxic Fume Poisoning, do not breathe in.
Curl up in a fetal position and wait for your inevitable destruction, while hoping and praying that it will be swift and painless...though it probably won't be...
etc, etc...

And some people have strange answers to straightforward questions-

State True Or False

...2)The INSTRUMENT used in measuring Earthquake intensity is the Richter Scale...

A Large number of people said 'True', and argued vehemently about it's being correct...

(The simple explanation is that saying this is 'True' is like saying you measure speed with a 'meteres per second'...)

And the others had to make them see the light of reason by explaining that The Richter scale s NOT some sort of foot-ruler that you stick into earthquake prone area to get a reading...

But the one which takes the cake is the opening line to an answer given by a Commerce student sitting next to me-

Q5
iii) Explain Water Pollution.

Ans. Water pollution is made in water...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll be as free as a bird in a cage with clipped wings as soon as the exams are over. I solemnly swear to update on a regular basis from then.

Chemistry Practicals using Acidic Bases...

2008-03-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

'Right, so when you put acid in with base, you get salt and water, and because of the indicator, it changes colour to pink, and thats a sign to stop adding base and measure the liquid levels...'

Titration/Volumetric Analysis, call it what you want, it's easy money...

Except if your Lab Assistant is a complete and utter Screw-up...

I had my practical exams on Friday, Chemistry is just plain simple, because board rules allow the use of the manual during the exam...sort of an Open-book test...

So I got a Titration experiment, find the normality, HCl, NaOH, Yada-Yada-Yada...The usual...

But what was just friggin unusual was when I emptied a burette-full of base into the acid and still couldn't see a color change...
I checked it, double checked it, then decided that it must be a problem with the indicator...I look at my Phenolptalein bottle, and see a piece of chalk floating around...

So I nicked myself another bottle, only to have the same result...

Then I realize that the dude had given me Acid in both beakers, some idiot had filled it into a beaker marked 'base' and then handed it to me, both are colourless, low concentration solutions, and look exactly the same...I go up to the teacher with this, and he doesn't believe me...

His test to see if I'm right? He puts it on his hand...

Yeah...no joke...apparently acid burns differently than base...I can't tell, myself, seeing that I never tried it...He seemingly has a lotta experience with such retarded behaviour...

Blog damn it!

2008-03-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, certain people around me now know that I maintain a blog...

And now, not one single, mundane, boring-ass, everyday event can occur without some smart ass Spaz saying 'Aw, dude, you gotta put this on your blog!'

I mean-

*In College*

Spaz: Hey, that chick is always hanging out with guys! Dude, you should write about it on your blog!

Me: -_- ...No

*In an Electronics Lecture*

Spaz: Oh man, is Sir pulling his cell phone out from under his shirt?

Me: Yes, just like he did yesterday...

Spaz:Hey, write about it in your blog!

Me: Ah?um...no, it was funny the last time, but now it's just disgusting...

Spaz: Ah? ya na, thats why it's funny na! hey put it, ok, put it when you reach home today...

Me: No...

*In the Chemistry Lab*

Spaz: Hey look at that! Her hair's on fire! just like last week!Woo Hoo! look at her run!

Me: I am NOT writing about...

Spaz: Why don'tcha write about THAT on your blog!

Me: AARGH!!!!! -_-***

It Went Ahead and made my day...

2008-03-11T01:29:00.000-07:00

I was watching an Extreme Sports parody show on AXN when the commentator plays a video of guys experimenting with Mentos and Diet Coke, shooting it into 10 metre high fountains...

This is what he had to say

'Well, if there are any parents watching this, we know whats on your mind, and we agree, this is totally irresponsible, dangerous behaviour...Of course, we also know there are NO parents watching this, Therefore, let's try this with 5 litre bottles instead of 3 litre bottles!

Oh wait, even better, let's try it with 3 boxes of Tic Tac, and Mountain Dew!

Ohhh, no...Wait...Hold it, I got the best one...

Eat 5 kilos of mentos, wait 4 hours for it to digest, and then have a Diet coke Enema!!!!
I Believe I Can Fly!!!!!

Funniest Comment on Soda-Shooting...Ever...

Engrish!

2008-03-07T02:31:00.000-08:00

So, with the Beijing Olympics coming soon, reports are coming in from newspapers talking about how China is rushing to improve it's English skills, in an attempt to attract more spectators and fans, and to make their stay in china more convenient...

I didn't realize it was this bad...they have their hands full taking care of this issue...take a look...

They mean 'no Soccer...'

Observations...

2008-02-24T06:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed?...

1) If you use In-Ear headphones, and walk down the street, you can't hear anything around you, and after a while, you feel like your life has Background Music...

2)If you live in the suburbs of Mumbai, and you see a person wearing a T-shirt with a Nirvana/Led Zeppelin/Metallica/Iron Maiden emblem emblazoned across it, chances are he/she won't be able to name a single song from that artist

3)The bills stuck on Walls/Electricity units, etc, which say 'stick no bills' must be the single most ironic thing that we see on a day to day basis...

4)That Buddhists...who are the most ardent followers of Non-Violence...were rioting, burning and destroying property in the city recently?

5)That society frowns upon homosexuals, as well as Couples in general...so what do they want people to be anyway?

6)That if you pronounce the word 'Somaiya' with less of a Gujarati twang and more of a French accent (So-MA-Yuh), 50% of people from 'town' will raise their eyebrows with a visibly impressed expression on their faces...

7)That I got you with the old 'You-Are-So-Blind-You-Didn't-see-that-there-is-no-number 3-on this list' joke...

8)That there actually WAS a number 3 on this list...Ha Ha, made you look!

9) That it's 'against our Indian traditions' to walk around holding hands with a girl, but hordes of guys walk around hand-in-hand, arm-linked-in-arm, being downright campy, and nobody says a thing...Does that means that Indians were traditionally gay?Whoa...

10)That ignorant morons who read the above will either conclude that I'm gay, or a homophobe...neither, suckers, it's just an observation!

Oscars!

2008-02-24T06:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah, It'll be coming on T.V. at 6:30 am tomorrow morning...which Is when I'll be in an auto on my way to Electronics Practicals...

It's just no fun watching the Encore presentation, because my sister is going to watch it from start to finish, and destroy whatever suspense I may have wanted to preserve, the moment I get back home...

Anyway, I'm rooting for Ellen Page for best actress...it's time to give young blood a chance!

This post will be updated after I watch the Oscars...keep an eye on this space!

If your'e Emo and you know it...rant like crazy...

2008-02-24T05:47:00.000-08:00

A Disheartening Fact-
When you don't have college for a while, you end up having LESS free Time
than you would have had if you HAD college...this is because of the loss of 'tired' time, where if you look tired when you come home from college, you are 'leniently' given some time on the P.C....

A Depressing Fact-
When You don't have college , AND you are not allowed recreational diversions like Computer Games and quality T.V., You have more time to sit and meditate about how much the world, and people in general, Suck...

A Downright Emo Fact-
I now know how PV_Mills Feels...

That should give you an idea of how bad a week I've been having...

Dance Teacher Dictatorship

2008-02-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

I step out of my room for 2 minutes yesterday, and my mom was watching some crap channel with Saroj Khan teaching people how to dance. One step, two step blah blah blah blablah..

It kinda hit me how silly the whole thing was...I mean, dance was invented as a physical form of showing happiness, kinda like jumping for joy..as part of celebration...you know, back in the old days, the Stone Age, when you didn't get food for a party, you threw a party if you got food!

Saroj Khan's Authoritative commands to the meek and unquestioningly co-operative contestants reminded me strongly of De Fuerher standing before his ranks of stormtroopers watching them march with unfailing rhythm...well, it better have been unfailing, if they didn't want Herr Hitlers foot up their backsides...

Gosh, we live in a Democratic country, and yet we say nothing against the legions of dance teachers and choreographers who try to teach you how to dance, basically telling you how to move, what to do, what not to do, how to look, etc...when in reality it is a form of art, which stems from a persons own creativity...

Sounds like Fascism to me...And as A free citizen of a Democratic nation, I do not take kindly to people abusing their authority and forcing others to do as they say. This is INDIA! here we BRIBE people to do as we say!!

And now, commercialized and perverted beyond recognition, almost tailor-made to make non-dancers feel like dorks...In a moment of pure spite I snatched up the remote and put it on mute...and all of a sudden the show seemed a lot better...it seemed like a robot impersonators convention, which was, quite frankly, hilarious...

Mom wasn't happy though, and my break ended up ending prematurely...

College again...

2008-02-12T20:41:00.000-08:00

Monday...Bloody Monday...
I wonder if people have done a study on Monday Morning Suicide rates...it's the time of the week when most people feel the most messed up...

Aren't Electronics practicals at 7 in the morning a GREAT incentive for me to wake up early and freeze my 'nads off on my way to college...?

No

Crummy teacher walks in late and then yells at the people who came in after 7, but still earlier than her...then she whines about the people who are absent...Then she whines about the 12th standard students and how pathetic they are...then she whines about how they whine about how she teaches like a retard. And then this makes me whine to you about her whining about the students' whining about her teaching...

It's a vicious system to be caught in, I assure you...

More to come!...
like...
Eventually...

Something entirely wierd and Random

2008-01-26T23:50:00.000-08:00

Err...I've been expecting that this moment might come sometime...but I didn't expect that I would be the person to trigger this strange occurrence...

Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to MEEE!!!!

2008-01-26T05:12:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to Moi! I'm now seventeen! My folks have gone to Pune, and I've ended up all alone at home all day today...Because I had classes in the morning...seems like a pretty Lonely birthday...

*phone rings*
Hey Ace! Thanks, oh wait a sec, I got another call
*click*
Dodo! nice to hear from ya, Thanks man, no I don't have any plans, I'm stuck at ...oh hold on, another call...
*click*
Oh, Hi Kushal...
*click*
Oh Hey Akshay...
*click*
Sid...
*click*
A.B...Along with a whole buncha people from school..
*click*
Darshan...
*click*

Whoa...All of a sudden...I feel a lot less lonely...
Happy Republic Day to all o y'all! And thanks for exceeding my expectations with the pretty huge number of hits so far!

Those Three letters...

2008-01-26T03:58:00.000-08:00

Read this Dilbert strip on HT last week...

Kinda reminds me of a Professor of mine...from my classes...

I'm sure you've noticed, most successful people are annoying as hell...
And this professor is no exception...He got some high rank in the IIT-JEE and got into the Mumbai IIT, after which he started teaching, ONE YEAR after he finished his own exam...he started his own damn coaching classes, and now works as a professor part time...

He tried to 'encourage' us to work harder by talking about the perks of being an IITian...his speech was something like this

Sir:-Ahem...now...anyone here on Orkut, facebook, Hikut, Chirkut, Friendster, or BigAdda?

Class:- *uneasy silence*

Sir:- I'd advise you to stop doing such timepass right now...look...let me tell you...I have all the compilations Of Calvin and Hobbes, Peanuts, Garfield, Pearls Before Swine, Doonesbury,Asterix and Tintin...

Me:- *thinking*Okay...assuming that's true, since the cost of one C&H book is 700 bucks, and the number of em will be around 10, he just put down 7 grand on ONE SEVENTH of his Comic Book collection...approximately...

Prof:- *Continues* I also have a PS2, a PS3 and an Xbox 360...several suppliers and developers have approached me to be part of their beta testing teams, when I was living in the UK, and on more than a few occasions. And so I've been given a copy of a game sometimes several weeks beforehand...I'm currently playing Gears Of War, Burnout Paradise and Assassin's Creed...

I've watched Alvin and the Chipmunks thrice, and Taare Zameen Par 5 times already, twice before it actually released, and all this is because of those three letters that are part of my Resume...'I I T'...

If I wasn't an IITian, I'd probably be working for an IITian who'd call me up at 11pm to say 'Hey dude, could you do this work too?'

So thats why you have to work hard for the next two years...

He was trying to encourage us...all he did was piss us the hell off...that old fart gets to play Assassin's friggin Creed while we slog our rears off...!

More funny Dilbert Strips now...these are on Asok the IITian...

Online Personality Splitter...

2008-01-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she told me that she had just read my blog, and said something pretty interesting...

Her exact words were, 'Why don't you act the way you do on your blog, all the time...?'

Which brings up a lot of things...
The stuff I put up here is my own opinion. but it normally stays like a little voice in my head, making observations about crap around me...Now that I blog, the only thing that's changed is that I give vent to all that, online...

Normally stuff like that stays in a persons mind, only coming out during conversations with like minded persons...known as 'Bitching sessions', in colloquial terms...

But the Internet has changed all that...now people whine about their jobs, their friends, their boss, their college life...blah...

Why do I bring this up? I was informed about an NDTV special feature on Indian bloggers, and whether Blogging in general is good or bad...I cannot understand where the dispute stems from...

Some say it's bad because it consists of inane, banal 'Water cooler conversations' which people write...

I say, if it's inane and banal, that just means it's better than your average K-serial, which nobody seems to have a problem with...

Some say it's bad because people write (quote) 'Titillating accounts of their romantic escapades' (unquote)

I say, the only people who visit such places are those who haven't realized the disgusting vastness of internet porn, where your every sick fantasy can be fulfilled...from children to senior citizens...eew...

But people barely ever whine about that, Ignoring the fact that there are about 5 porn sites for every 'Titillating' blog in existence...

Some say that people who write about their lives and the people around them end up damaging other people's reputations...(I take some deep offense at this line considering that this is MY category..)

Ahem?? If bloggers, who write for a very limited audience end up 'Tarnishing images and messing with reputations' then what about gossip columnists in national daily newspapers who make every unverified rumor into Page 3 propaganda? What about the Bombay Times and crap magazines like 'Stardust' and 'Glamor ' which are rags so deeply steeped in nonsense that the fact that they have a million strong subscriber base is justification enough even for the existence of blogs like these...

Point is, that this citizen journalism thing stems from the Internet as a catalyst itself...there's something about Web 2.0 that makes you want to give your opinion about things and listen to opinions too...
And the reason is Anonymity!!!
You don't know who the person yelling at *Fill in the blank with a thing you hate* is, and nobody knows you either!

Imagine for example, if the director of Area 51 cracked under the pressure of keeping top secret stuff so top secret, and finally acknowledges the existence of Aliens...nobody can hold that against him, because no-one knows it's him in the first place...

You can give your opinion without fear! Free speech is finally discovered! and so if something happens, be prepared to get an opinion about it...lots and lots of opinions from people who you've never met but who probably make more sense than the people you have met...that's why Anonymity shouldn't be considered a screen to hide behind, it's a weapon, which kinda splits your personality and brings out that dark, angry side of you and your opinions...
Where nobody can hurt you for saying the truth!

If this scares you, realize that a dark side is part of everybody, and that all the internet has done is given people to vent their feelings...The guy whose blog you're reading could be just about anybody...
And maybe the guy you see walking by is the guy who criticizes George Bush online every night,

And maybe a soldier in Afghanistan is writing poetry, between his patrol shifts, about the futility of War...

And maybe the Guy you see in college, looking like any average joe, with messy hair and thick glasses is just another nerdy student trying to get his 105...
Or he could just be me...

Tired...

2008-01-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

Last few days have been hectic...
The things I've said and the things I've heard,
I'd describe it all along the lines of...

Wake up!
Get ready, your exam starts any minute now!
Run,Run,Run!
Revise Revise Revise!!

Get to College!
Revise Revise Revise Some more!
Whaddya mean Alkynes is part of the Chemistry portion!??
The Chem exam is in another 3.5 minutes!
What's the point of even studying now??
Let's just count down the minutes...
2.5...
1.5...
0.5...
Oh Hell, what's that German guy's rule again?
Satzyeff?
Markownikoff??
It's got a lotta 'f's in it, thats all I remember...
Oh crap, there goes the bell,
Best Of luck!

*one hour later*
Awesome paper!!
You didn't think so?
No, I didn't get that one...
Not so awesome anymore...still pretty good...
Don't tell me, I don't wanna hear more of your answers...
We still have Math to study for!! D'oh!!

Whats the whole Permutation-Combination Shindig again?

And then get back home...
How was the Paper?
Good? not Great? you always say Good and then it goes Ok...and what about math?
Math was Ok? that means it went bad!...
Arrgh! -_-*

Don't you have class tonight?
D'oh!
Do a crapload of homework!
Get to class early to finish up!
Prof. ends up 15 minutes late...
So class ends half an hour late...
go Home
Eat, Sleep
Lather, Rinse, repeat...

Feel tired at a whole new level...not the 'I gotta sit down and catch my breath' kinda tired...more like the ;Oh crap, I'm standing and sleeping and there's drool collecting in my mouth and nothing collecting in my brain and it feels like my mind is a racecar doing 90 mph with it's tyres removed or like I'm powered by a half dead Triple-A pencil battery that's three years past it's expiry date...

And you people whine about no updates...
gits...-_-

What is a Somaiyaite?

2008-01-11T01:02:00.000-08:00

I Found this draft post today. I'd written it out six months ago. At The time, it felt unnecessarily vitriolic, and I shelved it. Coming across it again today, I conclude that getting vitriol out of my system is the whole point of this blog, and so I'm going to post it.

What is a Somaiyaite?

Simple question? in one sense, maybe...a person who goes to Somaiya College is a Somaiyaite...

But when you put it into context...you must say it's quite inaccurate...I probably paint quite a dismal picture of my ex college and the people in it...there ARE good people there as well, no matter how hard it is to find them and no matter how few of them there may be...

But what a Somaiyaite really is, is a general term, a Metaphor, for 'Unthinking Conformer to Society'
...People who follow the crowd like their life depends on it, who stare at Logic full in the face and choose to ignore it completely...who think 'current affairs' begins and ends with some shitty actress's shitty life, and are scandalized at the slightest hint that others don't give a fuck because other people have lives of their own...

People who think only what others tell them to, resulting in shallow crap like-'Chicks dig the cell phones!', 'Wear them low rise jeans, everyone wants to see your ass-crack', 'Paint your Car Lemon Green, and slap some senseless decals on them'.

So you don't have to be from Somaiya to be a Somaiyaite. Most of us probably know a few who fit this description. I just know that It's been months since I've left the place, but I will always be an Unwilling Somaiyaite.

And Thats why I'm yet to change my Blog Title. Cause when I think about it, it still holds true.

New Years Eve Throwdown, New Years Day Letdown

2008-01-01T02:05:00.000-08:00

Just so I can get it out of the way,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I'm sure most of you went partying...and if you are in a situation that is anything like mine...you probably didn't enjoy it much...

But the right to Par-Tay is one that not everyone is treated to...I for one had to fight for it, along with the people in my (stupid, stupid) class...

Because last week they handed in a schedule that said 'Thermodynamics lecture from 6:00 to 10:00 on 31st December...'

And we said 'WTF???"

And they said something about 'Attending class and sacrificing will prove your 'solidarity' and whatnot'

And we said 'Screw you, we don't need to...'
Or words to that effect...

Eventually , we Threw down...they Threw Down...and we finally got them to 'Maybe Reconsider' their decision...

And they gave us a new schedule the next day, which said that we don't have class on New Years Eve...

But we have a goddamn PCM Combined TEST on New Years Day...
( Assholes )

And in the End, I, like many others, ended up thinking about going out with friends, only to have the decision vetoed by my folks and my ass carted off to A party that I didn't like, surrounded by people I didn't know, Listening to music that I didn't like (It was from the wrong decade...no, wait...the wrong century...), Wearing formal crap that I hate to wear and look like a clown in, and Eating the kick-ass food because I didn't have much else to do...

Nice Party...=_=...NOT...

2008 started out pretty crappy for me...but things can only get better, right?...(well they'd better get better...)
More to come...sooner or later

P.S.-No resolutions, no changes, I'm still the same and so is my blog...the new year didn't really change me that much, but it sure changed your blog, Dylan!

Still More Signs Of Our Times

2007-12-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

This one's a key maker from Dadar, got it while coming back from class.

It seems he makes Cabod-Door keys (CUPBOARD Door Keys XD )
and some 'Loker Repairing' too...

Err, Yeah...Derbis...I assume they meant Debris, but 'Don't throw Debris' is grammatically incorrect and funny anyway...

'Derbis' just made it 10 times funnier though...

Keep Visiting! I'm hoping for 500 hits by my birthday!!! (Oh yeah, wishful thinking...)

Rubbernecking...or...Jaw Jacking...or....Collar-Rocking or...

2007-12-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

So...We get all kinds o folks at Somaiya...the nerds, the wannabes, the outcasts...
But all of them are groups...Here is an individual who stands alone individually because no one can stand his Infuriatingly Idiotic Individuality...

In other words, he's weird...

Yes the video is called 'A Somaiyaite Freaking out In a Freaked out Electronics Lecture'

Title could have been better, but the subject matter is what counts, no?

Yes, Thats right, Feel the Stupidity...Watch him getting his freak on, and Witness how comfortable he is with his own craziness as he realizes that people are taping his...act* and still refuses to stop...

*I've been trying to come up with a phrase for his...err...thing...here are a few ways to describe it, choose the one you think is funniest...

Rubbernecking
Neck-Pumping
Jaw-Jutting
Head-jacking
Neck-Jackhammer-ing
Head-Banging (But that kinda insults MetalHeads and Thrash lovers everywhere so forget it)
Duck-Neck Dancing
Neck-Thrusts
Head-Freaking...

Got any more ideas? Post em as comments to this post...!

Bad Santa-Christmas Special!!

2007-12-25T06:53:00.000-08:00

Right, so after class on Christmas Eve, I'm walking back home and I meet Santa, doing some last minute preparations for his Annual Christmas Eve, present delivery trip...

But he wasn't exactly buying Prancer, Dancer and his other Reindeers a set of shiny new antlers...

More accurately, He was getting One for the Road, at 'The Wine Shack'
I laughed my ass off..took a bunch of pics...then laughed some more...

Oh Yeah, Santa likes getting Wasted!!!!

Thats when he noticed me and started yelling some very Un-Santa like things...Got a few better pics before he saw me though...

Merry Christmas Everybody!!!
I got more lined up, to come between now and New Year's...so keep checking for updates!

Ut-Crasher!

2007-12-20T03:35:00.001-08:00

As many of you may already know, I haven't gone to college for the last 5 days...reason?
It's 'Cultural event' time!! which means we have Utkarsh and KJ Somaiya's Surabhi as well as minor 'Cultural Programmes' from the 14th to the 22nd, after which Holidays begin...

All this means to me, is an extended vacation where I sadly end up utilizing my time 'fruitfully' instead of sitting on the computer...

Though I ended up going to college thinking there might be Physics practicals today, and I ended up seeing This

Thats the front 'desk' for registrations in 'Elevaura'
(reminds me of 'Elvira'(-you don't know who that is? well ask wiki, why don't cha?))

I have no idea what that means and I barely care to find out...though why a College fest ends up looking like a nomadic gypsy tribe settlement?? The answer lies in the mysterious theme of the whole program...

In Case you can't read it, the words are

'The greatest treasures are those Invisible to us, but can be found...'

Oh hot dang! How movingly Profound for a split second unless you stop and realize that this phrase printed on expensive high gloss posters and put up across the city is absolute nonsense...

The black thing is the silhouette of a scarecrow, in keeping with the theme

"Villiages-Our Country's National Treasure'

We also have 2 mascots...I neglected to photograph them, but I will as soon as I go there the next time...

One is a Scarecrow...which looks either funny or disturbing, (depends on your point of view)...Because its a T-shirt stuffed with straw with an upside down pot for a head... which is propped up on a stick, in the middle of the Campus looking like a tribal human sacrifice...

The other is a Anthropomorphic GOAT...
Why a Goat? No Idea...
But this goat wears black T-shirts and ripped jeans and sports an electric guitar as well as an expression of a 'drunken boozer'(thanks Shady, thats a useful phrase)

Which is a TOTAL Antithesis to the average Somaiyaite who would be socially ostracized if they even considered a mildly alternative look like an earring (worn by a guy), or a 'boy-cut' (sported by a girl)...

Oh well, crap happens...And we unwilling Somaiyaites call it Ut-Crash...

Funny Lines from Funny Professors...

2007-12-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

The following are conversations which occur in class sometimes, punctuated with silly pronunciations and an even sillier choice of words...

No-1

Student: Sir, we do we have that last resistor in the circuit?

Prof: It is to protect de(the) appliance or you can say that de electrical 'Camponent' (component)

Student: Sir...as in?

Prof: Liike...when you eat the food you wash your hand na? Or I say Before you eat the food you wash, or we can say 'clean' your hands na? Isn't that to PROTECT YOUR STOMACH???

Student: XD

No2-

Prof: You should always be the prepare...anything can happen at...any moment!!Now you see, I will explain...once when I was in traveling on the buses, and one girl had one of the Rs. 100 or Rs. 50 Rupees bucks in her pocket...

More to come, when I get more time...

My Photography Piece De Resistance!!!

2007-12-07T01:19:00.000-08:00

The Best Somaiya Photo I have seen in a looong time...Ok, So I didn't take it myself but my freind did the risky job of catching his professor napping during a lecture...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LECTURE!!! He apparently gave 'em a numerical sum to solve, at which point he took five (minutes) to catch up on his forty (winks)

Okay, so the title is misleading and it's not MY photography...but it's a piece de resistance, no doubt...

Credit goes to Nokia H@cK3R, from my college, who I don't wanna name...

Photography

2007-12-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

If a Picture is worth a thousand words, this is one BIG ASS post...

Pic 1- An Ad for a Tour Bus service from Mumbai to Ahmedbad

Witness, the horrific massacre of the English language...though them giving you stuff at birth is a nice bonus. (Where;s my INDI-VISUAL SPEAKER dude???)

Pic 2- How do you make things better?? put it on a stick!!

Ever since the Ice-cream stick, it's turned into a cheesy fad...Corn Dogs (On a stick) some countries have 'Meat Sticks on a Stick'...Heck, even kebabs prove that everything is better when on a stick, but isn't a plate on a stick going too far???

It's actually a seat in The Somaiya Engineering College canteen, and this is one of the only ones still in shape and not warped by the fatasses who normally occupy the places...

And this one is on the back of an Auto

Svabhiman se Jiyo
Luchyagiri, chamchagiri, Dalali, Bhadwagiri
Chhod do...

which means

Live with honour
Quit being idle
Quit being a suck-up
Quit being a whore
and QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE!!!!

Enough said...

Aaba Dhubi-Our 'Noble Pastime'

2007-11-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

Aaba Dhubi

A short clip of collegiates playing the game of 'Aaba Dhubi'. The objective of the game is to strike your opponents with projectiles (Which could be anything small, in this case, a bottle), while simultaneously dodging your opponents throws. 1 point per hit, and first to 5 points wins.

Watch it for the scene in which the person who was previously a spectator gets whacked by a bottle and jumps into the fray...

*Sigh* and No one plays basketball here...

I'm an @$$h0|e-Dennis Leary

2007-11-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

An Old Song which I wanted to share with you guys...it's a lot like 'Hot Dog' but this is funny instead of a stress buster...

South Park!!

2007-11-21T20:10:00.001-08:00

Count on me to leave the best for last...now that the holidays are ending (class starts on Monday! >_< )I just remembered my buddies stash of South park Episodes which I had planned to watch...

Now that I got down to looking at the CD, I find out the 6 episodes, 3 are corrupted But The the remaining 3 are PWNAGE!!!
I've meant to watch this for a Looong while, after I saw the movie last year (yes, yes, Pretty late, I know...) and I'm a Simpsons fan...(South Park is very similar to The Simpsons in a lot of ways, but SP has stronger languge, and more controversial content...)

I watched the episodes

'Chinpokomon!' (Total out-take on Pokemon...insults it like hell, and it's Hilariously done...)

'Sexual Harassment Panda'-I watched it 3 days ago and I'm still laughing about it...enough said...

'Osama Bin Laden has Farty Pants'- This one was pretty lame...too much 'American patriotism' for me...

Here's a few quotes From 'Sexual Harassment Panda'-

Kyle's Dad gives him an Explanation

Gerald: You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal, democratic society. And democrats make sexual harassment laws. These laws tell us what we can and can't say in the workplace, and what we can and can't do in the workplace.
Kyle: Isn't that fascism?
Gerald: No, because we don't call it fascism. Do you understand?
Kyle: Do you?

The Introduction To The Show-

(Teacher) Mr. Garrison: Okay class, as part of the new curriculum, We're going to have to teach you about Sexual Harassment in Schools...

Kyle: WHAT?

Mr. G: Now, does anyone here know what Sexual Harassment is...anybody?Eric??

Eric Cartman: Errr...Sexual Harassment is when...you're trying to have intercourse with a 'Lady Friend' and some other guy comes up behind you and Tickles your balls...

As you can see, it gets pretty crazy with the humor...but I'd recommend it to any 'Simpsons' Fans

Signs Of Our Times-2

2007-11-21T20:05:00.002-08:00

Strange sign...haven't specified which 'Tree'...I don't know what exactly is so funny about this, but It just is...

Signs Of Our Times

2007-11-21T19:53:00.001-08:00

A Beautiful Example of A signboard on The Somaiya Campus
Some places have a Rs.50 fine, some places have a Rs. 100 fine...But this place is 'special'
Rs. 0!

Profanity is Good for you-Warning Explicit Lyrics

2007-11-20T06:04:00.000-08:00

I'm not kidding with the title, this is a load of profanity...if you are a kid, get the Fu*k away from this post...

Ever felt REALLY pissed off at someone?
Like you could smash his/her face on the wall and paint the ceiling with his/her brains??
Well YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Dozens of people wish to perform wanton crazy acts of violence when they're just plain Angry, but the trick is knowing how to deal with it, and NOT ending up doing 6 years jail time for Assault-Battery...
Which is an acceptable time for you to Curse...to Abuse, to Cuss like a Sailor, so to speak...

Which actually helps you blow off steam and cool down...

So, Bitch, before you ask me why I abuse so much, answer me one fuckin question,

Would you rather I kick you so hard my foot gets stuck in your ass???

As you can see, I am pissed off at the moment, but the reason you do not see my face on the evening news is that I found an old song that helps me relax...lyrics here...

"Hot Dog"

Ladies and gentlemen!
Introducing the Chocolate Starfish!
and the Hotdog Flavored Water
Bring it on!
Get the fuck up!
Yeah!
Check, one, two

Listen up, listen up!
Here we go
It's a fucked up world
A fucked up place
Everybody's judged by their fucked up face
Fucked up dreams
Fucked up life
A fucked up kid
With a fucked up knife
Fucked up moms
And fucked up dads
It's a fucked up a cop
With a fucked up badge
Fucked up job
With fucked up pay
And a fucked up boss
Is a fucked up pain
Fucked up press
And fucked up lies
Well, Lethal's in the back
With the fact of the fires

Hey, it's on
Everybody knows it's on
Hey, it's on
Everybody knows it's on

Ain't it a shame that you can't say "Fuck"
Fuck's just a word
And it's all fucked up
Like a fucked up punk
With a fucked up mouth
A nine inch nail
I'll get knocked the fuck out
Fucked up aids
From fucked up sex
Fake ass titties
On a fucked up chest
We're all fucked up
So whatcha wanna do?
We fucked up me
And fucked up you

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me

Ain't life a bitch?
A fucked up bitch
A fucked up sore with a fucked up stitch
A fucked up head
Is a fucked up shame
Swinging on my nuts
Is a fucked up game
Jealousy filling up a fucked up mind
It's real fucked up
Like a fucked up crime
If I say "Fuck", two more times
That's forty six "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme

Ahh...yess...I feel so much better...till next time then...

Moronic Advertising - HCL Laptops

2007-11-20T04:01:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last post and this post has been on my mind for a while now...I came out with the Idea back when the Ad was new and crappy , now it's old and crappy...

To refresh your memories, here it is again

What happens in this Ad which sucks?

Well it starts with a perverted dude taking photos of a hot woman in a coffee shop...the hot woman happens to be a total bimbo who doesn't realize the dude is taking her pic even when He's being so painstakingly obvious about it.. so he doesn't even have to be secretive about it...

What point are they trying to make?
'HCL Leaptops, the Indispensable tool of Voyeurs and Perverts everywhere!!!'
I hope not...

Then the guy posts her pic online and shows off his Perv skills, AND takes help from all his stalker friends to find out who the target is...

The only part I liked is when the smartass in the white shirt comes in, pushes the standby mode switch and exposes the whole operation...I expected the next scene to be
the people in the vicinity opening a can of whoop-ass on the perv

but NOOOOO...The hot woman hangs out happily ever after with the chronic pervert, which cements the unrealistic bullshit that this Ad is...
Who made this goddamn Ad anyway? Sanjay Leela Bhansali after he finished making 'Saawariya'?

Professors...Part one, of, I expect...several parts

2007-10-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

On popular request, I've decided to do a small piece on my professors...unfortunately, for the sake of saving my ass, I won;t use their names, but I will talk about them in general (Each professor actually deserves a whole post to do justice to the crappy things they do, but anyway, here goes)

We have professors who-

-Tell us that it's a bad thing to go to the canteen, even between lectures, or after school hours, and if he finds students in the canteen, he asks them if they are 'Rich Boys'...XD

-Tell us it's OK to bunk his lecture because 'He has observed that people who bunk get higher marks in his subject than people who attend'

-Tell us (especially during the monsoon season) stuff like,' I don't feel like teaching today...the 'mood is not there'...Chalo, Shaayari Lagate hai...(you, know, Shaayari...like urdu beat poetry...depressing topics, repetitive rhymes and a lot of people yelling 'Waah Waah')

-Start talking in Marathi and Gujarati without noticing it...

-Refers to his better half as his 'W-I-F-E', as if it's a swearword that can't be spoken out loud by decent folk (a lot like F-U-C-K)

-Refers to the Principal as 'Yeda' (Moron)

-Tell us that it's important to come for his lecture in 11th standard...after all, it's important to at least know what your Professor LOOKS like...in 12th nobody attends anyway...

-Say things like...'Are you poor??? as if it's the most logical explanation for not wearing an ID card

-A male professor who, male classmates claim, takes Orals as an excuse to have guys sit next to him, so that he can feel their thighs when he's asking them questions (eew...haven't seen it first hand, and I thank goodness I haven't)

-A Prof who hears a ringing cell phone in the class, during an exam, yells at everyone asking 'Whose phone is that' for a while before realizing it's her own phone...

-A professor who asked random students to teach during his lecture, just so that they 'Realize what a tough job it is'

-A Professor who denounces Coaching clases vehemently in his lectures, but takes private tutions himself...

-A Prof who yells at us for reading the textbook while she's lecturing from it...her exact words were 'If you like to read textbook so much, you can do it all for self study!!!'
(Our reaction was- Okie dokie...not like you teach us much anyway)

-A big, bulky, tough looking male Prof. who caught students copying and told them, in a surprisingly girly voice that they could ''Come down, darlings, so we can meet 'Princy' "

To Be Continued...
Thats All for now...Comments are encouraged...

Sorry I didn't update for a while...my exams were on...

Cell Phone Panic

2007-10-27T09:09:00.001-07:00

I'm sure everyone's heard novelty ringtones...

you know...ones like 'Pick up the damn Phone!!!' or 'Phone utha!!' (the latter ringtone is more common, and it's yelled in a child's voice at a surprisingly quick speed and surprisingly annoying pitch...)

A rarer version is the Innuendo filled 'Uncle aap ka Baj raha hain...'
Which is where this picks off...

Dude is playing with his phone during a lecture...
Prof: *catches him*
Dude: Err, sorry sir, I was just putting it on silent...

Others in class: Hmm...so his phone isn't on silent...let the games begin...!!!

*They call the unfortunate dude's cell phone*

Unfortunate Dude's Phone:*ringing*

UNCLE AAP KA BAJ RAHA HAI!!!!
ZOR ZOR SE " " "
JAM JAM KE " " "
LAGA LAGA KE " " "

and so on...if you did'nt catch the implied meaning, I suggest a crash course in Mumbai hindi...

The guys phone was confiscated, he got the phone back later in the day...the first thing that people suggest is-

Dude, check your balance...knowing these Professors, they probably made three and a half hour ISD calls off your phone...

Which brings me nicely to the my next intended post...on the Professors...

Cell Phone Pranks- Do try this in your own college...

2007-10-26T05:15:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing I've learned about Cell phones in Somaiya, it's that I should NEVER show it to other people without having a 20-point checklist to see if they messed around with anything...This has been tougher than usual now that I have a new cell phone and people want to see what songs I have, what themes I have and what my high scores are...and maybe leech a few things off you with bluetooth...

( One guy even wanted to borrow my phone until he broke my 'Quadra Pop' high score...some people have WAY too much free time)

But too many, sometimes risky, always funny incidents can take place when a cell phone is used in class...

There's this one guy who got himself a new cell and kept pestering people to

Quote' Send me Teenbuzz na....plzplzplzplz k, thanks....'

(For those of you who don't know what Teenbuzz is, you can)

a)Buy a cell phone

OR

b)If you already have a cell and don't know what Teenbuzz is, you should probably tell me which hole you've been stuck in for the last 2 years, and after you're rescued, you can

c) Look it up on Google...

Anyway, he does this in he middle of a rare, intellectually stimulating lecture(i.e. the Prof had cracked a few P.J's)

Annoyed classmates sent him a file called

'Sardar Reliance' which is a sound file of a guy who does a Punjabi accent, abusing a guy who picks his call up on the Reliance Helpline...

Only, they renamed it as Teenbuzz...

The dude received the file and decided to play it in class to show people just how annoying he could be...

And What comes out...in level 9 volume is...

"Hello...hello???....MA!*^)(*!&^)# S#)!_* Tera @^)!(* ki @(*&@ bees hazar tees hazar ka bill banate ho !!
Teri Maa ki #()@!&(*#^!)!&#)!(#
#*)@*_@

etc..etc..." You get the idea...

The teacher...goes like...'What...What?? who's doing that???who's playing (Quote) 'bad bad words' on their phones????

Nobody owns up...
Prof realizes there's no point...
Class is back to normal...

This is just one of many...
More Cell phone fiasco's later...

New Layout!!!

2007-10-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

After taking a cue from Blackle, the Black Google search engine (No, it's not Racist, and NO it's not a search engine exclusively for rappers, pimps, and their ho's)

It's basically Google with a back background...but the thing is, monitors take less energy displaying black than white...this means that if a site like Google, with millions of hits each day turns black, you'll save a whole load of energy which could come in handy, what with all the Global Warming and Environmental Apocalypse and all...

I do this in anticipation of the most pointless Exam I have to write...EVS...

I'm contributing...I'm part of the solution...ARE YOU HAPPY NOW???

T shirts and Somaiya...the War continues...

2007-10-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking, if Students aren't allowed to wear T-shirts...what exactly is the management trying to pull here?? Making us go back to 'Traditional Indian attire'...

Allow me to explain what will come to pass if this is what they intend...

Guys wear clothes like these...-
It's Indian...It's traditional...you wanted it, you got it...
The guy in this pic is at least in shape...if you get half the overweight dudes in my college into clothes like these, the only thing you 'll be thinking about is jiggling jell-O, studies are out of the question...

Oh, and if you REALLY want traditional clothes, go back to the vedic age, where women didn't wear nothing but a dhoti
and a lot of necklaces...and you say tight T-shirts are distracting...I'm tempted to search for a few pics illustrating this subject, unfortunately though, it will probably be unsuitable for general viewing...

I guess this means that sticking to the rules CAN be a form of protest...

Here's to all you obese Somaiyaite guys...come to college like this, and JIGGLE FOR JUSTICE!!!!

Just...do it when I'm bunking please...

T-shirts in Somaiya College

2007-10-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

So...Engineering College students in KJ Somaiya College staged a walk out after dozens of students were not allowed to write their exam as they were wearing T-shirts...

And of course, considering that T shirts are the root of all evil, such a crime is unforgivable, right??

Yeah, Somaiya is a bunch of conservatives, we all know that, but what bothers me the most is that the management sits down and wastes time on a t-shirt ban, when there are many better things to resolve...

I mean, if you want students to dress in a specific way according to your taste, lay down a damn uniform system...and then you can piss people off and show them that it's not worth joining, BEFORE they actually start college...

What next...I presume, it's going to be a cell phone ban...

Why?
Some people have cell phones
Some people's cell phones support 'multimedia playback'
Multimedia Playback includes Videos
Videos may be porn...

So go one step further and ban cell phones...
You say it's a P.J. now, but when they impose it next month I'm gonna rub it all in ya faces...

'The Unwilling Somaiyaite'- WTF is WITH THESE PEOPLE???

2007-10-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

Right...so this college happened to be Somaiya college...I had heard about it before, nothing bad really...

Unfortunately, right from day one, it was deplorable...

After the mandatory introduction session (you know how it goes)...the dude next to me strikes up a little conversation...which went a bit like this...

Dude: Hey, so you're name's *****, right?
Me: Yeah
Dude: So...going by your name, you're a catholic, right?
Me:Yeah
Dude: So...you probably drink a lot then, right?
Me: WTF?????????????????????????????

What drinking has to do with being catholic, I have no idea...all I know is, back in the 70's, mainstream Bollywood portrayed catho's as incorrigible alcoholics...I have'nt come across a single moron who has taken it this seriously...

'The Unwilling Somaiyaite'-How I got into this Hell-Hole...

2007-10-23T06:45:00.001-07:00

A lot of you...(If anyone even visits this corner of the net) may wonder WTF the title stands for...

An Explanation is what you deserve, and here it is:-

(WARNING- GRATUITOUS RANTING AHEAD)

After living 16 fun years, the education system decided that I was finally old enough have my ass chomped down on by the jaws of Board exams...

(for those of you lucky folks who are blissfully oblivious, My college admission depended on the shitty 2-digit number I got as a total percentage...Why oh why does the board exam give you the right to judge a person??its a F***ing test result, not a background check...Must be an 'Indian' thing)

So when I finally realized that people look at you funny and discriminate because you didn't cross the 85% barrier (In the case of a science student anyway) I had 3 months to get my ass in line...

Gifted student that I am, I scored 86...

Sadly, this year the yardstick was raised to an 88, after a lot of students crossed the 85 barrier...

This meant that I missed the college I wanted to get into by 1%..and I was presented with a dilemma...

Go to a respected college thats far away...
OR
Go to an O.K. college thats close by...

'Far away' means I have to spend 3 hours a day travelling by train with people packed in like sardines in a can, and my nose stuck in some fellow commuters armpit...this is the reason I picked the O.K. college...lenient attendance, nice timings...close by...what else could a guy want...

This Is My Blog...

2007-10-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

This is my Blog...there are many like it, But this one is MINE...
This Blog is nothing, without my views and opinions...my views and opinions are nothing if unexpressed...

That being said...if you don't agree with my opinion, I suggest you GTFO my blog...

Updates will be here shortly, meanwhile, enjoy the sweet sound of whining as I writhe in frustration because of my exams
-Cheers
-Arr0w